Yesterday on the way back from a wedding (lovely affair) to which one of the grooms’ parents declined to attend – lifestyles, lifestyles – RHS and I had the lovely pleasure of sharing our commute with the neighborhood’s homophobe.¹
He spent much of the 45 minute ride spewing graphic invectives against me and my lady and what we do in the privacy of our own home, on more than one occasion whispering at me to look at him so that I could see what a real man looked like. And this, this is the place to which many of the negative responders to my lifestyle stoop. And I just have to say to all of those gentleman homophobes:
Sirs, you’re not doing your argument any favors by being bloated, drunken, poorly groomed, ill-mannered, unwashed, uninformed and inarticulate. You are not what a real man looks like. The fact that you think so will not only not help you in “converting” lesbians, but it will also prevent you from getting a woman who isn’t a lesbian. You’re alone right now, drunk, ashy and on the train trying to get me to beat your over the head with my navy-blue Italian leather heels. “Real men” aren’t doing that. Mine (what with the successful relationship and the job-holding, 401K having, renewed lease obtaining and debt-management) is not the lifestyle² you need to be all that’s not natural about.
Because honestly, the lifestyle that the Duggars are leading gives me great pause.
Do you know about the Duggars and their show 18 Kids and Counting?
The Duggars are a family in which the father and the mother have made the choice that what God really wants for them is to turn the mother into a baby-machine and to pimp those babies out on the television machine. Since 1988 the Incubator and the Sperminator have produced 18 children (but wait, there’s more!). That’s right, 18 children in 21 years.
The oldest boy just got married off so that he could finally have sex and promptly knocked up his very own baby-machine wife. Like father like son.
He put her in a pumpkin shell and there he kept her very well.
The Duggars ascribe to the there’s nothing better or a woman than for her to be pregnant and in the kitchen because contraception is an affront to God’s will (and is just mighty inconvenient) and we’ll prostitute our offspring on TV because while “Children are the heritage of the Lord” those TLC payments and those book deal and speaking tour ducats are all for us kind of lifestyle.
And yet, they can vacation in the Caribbean Isles without being worried about being killed for sport and enjoy a subway ride without lewd and violent insults being hurled their way because somehow their whorish and parasitic lifestyle is better than mine.
You take the good, you take the bad,
you take them both and there you have
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life.
There’s a time you got to go and show
You’re growin’ now you know about
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life.
When the world never seems
to be livin up to your dreams
And suddenly you’re finding out
the Facts of Life are all about you, you.
.
.
.
.
¹I really do mean the neighborhood homophobe. RHS and I currently live in a predominately West Indian neighborhood. Many of our neighbors are first or second-generation West Indian and many of them are from islands that have very lax laws about the treatment of people who are gay. For example, our neighbors are from Trinidad where it is illegal to be gay. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Trinidad_and_Tobago I do not want to know what they think of my lifestyle. But having been on a more than one B41 bus with Belligerent McHomophobe (and now, the Brooklyn-bound Q from 57th Street) I know exactly how he feels.
²Seriously, this is the kind of lifestyle that gets your goat, homophobes? You’re hating because I work at an awesome non-profit, know what kind of pants properly drape my shape and have a 401K? Is that really it? Because, it can’t be because I’m gay. I didn’t choose that. I did choose to work to pay off my debt and give to charity and vote. Being gay is not a lifestyle. However being filled with hate and stupidity is.
