Ah, Tears for Fears… when have you ever been wrong?
Last night Doctor Rachel Maddow who errs in now way (except for the way that her teenyteenytiny section in the NBC Store in Rockefeller Center does not carry Mind Over Chatter shirts that fit me) was all over Sloppy Joe Lieberman last night like herpes on a Hilton (I said it and I stand by it).
I cannot compete. But I can sum it up with a little help from my friends Roland and Curt.
I can’t stand this indecision
married with a lack of vision
Everybody wants to rule the world.
Time for Christmas trees, Unity and awesome menorahs.
AWESOME!
The tree in Rockefeller Center is looking fantastic and my prune-dried soul is filling with Seasonal Feelings of goodwill.
I dedicate this tree to a certain Mr. Charles Brown
After-all, it is the time of giving.
And boy, has the Universe provided.
Yesterday, OOMFPAWWIHFOAMFOY, told me about Glenn Beck’s Christmas Sweater. The “Glen Beck Experience” in which how he recounts how he was an ungrateful, hateful little asshat of a boy and crushed his poor mother’s heart (on Christmas no less) and then she died. Now he’s telling his story to illustrate his redemption and his faith and to show us, the great man that he’s become.
This story…
Created this man…
Seems about right.
Last night though, my girlfriend, Rachel Maddow, Ph.D. (Doctor Maddow to you), gave me the best gift of the season. [Wow, that sounds kind of dirty when you re-read it. Go ahead, re-read it. I will wait.]
Anyhoods, there was dancing with shades and a disco ball. There was insightful news making and there was the sheer and utter delight that is Rachel Maddow. The whole episode is genius. But what really brought it home for me was the “I guess I’m racist” ad.
Thank you anti-health reform wingnuts for building this beautiful new toy in your workshops of terror.
You should watch Doctor Maddow’s clip for some very incisive commentary from (my other girlfriend who’s not Ana Marie Cox) Professor Melissa Harris-Lacewell. [Another gift.]
The whole add for your chortling pleasure.
Here’s the thing. If I was watching the television, as I am want to do, and I looked up and saw a majority of white faces¹ telling me that they were racist, I’d say, “Of course you are. Now how do I get back to that other channel, I need to see if the Cowboys are going to win this game?” “Or. Okay, I hope you’re not interrupting my Fringe with this mess. Because if you’re interfering in my deep and meaningful relationship with Olivia Dunham we are going to have words.”
What I mean is that I wouldn’t be surprised. I’d be annoyed that you were using your white-privilege to disturb my sacred TV time to tell me, but… you’re a racist, you obviously don’t care about the wants and desires of little ol’ X-Files missing me.
In words of my very astute friends: If someone tells you about themselves, believe them. I believe you racists.
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¹And seriously, two black dudes and dude of Asian Pacific Islander decent. I know it’s hard finding work as an actor and all, but… did you know what you were signing up for? I mean, we’ve done our share of bad shows/movies/plays what have you. But seriously? We have all done things that are going to get us kicked out of our respective clubs.
I’m just saying… Black Dudes… be on the look out for operatives from SCAN.
¹In 2001 Donald DiFrancesco succeeded Christine Todd Whitman as governor of New Jersey. In 2001 Jim Gilmore was the governor of Virginia.
²In 2001 Mike Bloomberg switched his registration from Democrat to Republican before switching his registration to Independent in 2007 and then hoodwinking NYC citizens so that he could be eligible for a third term.
³In 2001 Maine’s partnered gay citizens were not afforded the same rights under the law as their married heterosexual counterparts. For a brief shining moment this year that wrong was righted. Last night citizens and neighbors in Maine voted to disenfranchise and relegate second class status to other citizens and neighbors in Maine. Those voters chose to protect marriage at the cost of their dignity and integrity.
That seems like too heavy a price to pay to me.
I’ve been sitting here, dithering, if you will, for the past couple of days trying to think of a clever play on Joe Lieberman’s name.
So far I’ve come up with:
Joe Blows Joe Diddly Say it ain’t Joe Not Joe Senator Joe Shit Joe-berwokky No way Joe-se Sloppy Joe
My favourite, however, is Cock Block. It’s not a play on words so much as an accurate description of Joe Lieberman’s time in Senate. He’s the “friend” telling the hot girl that you’ve just gotten to talk to you about that weird infection you had last week.
In this case the hot girl that’s just deigned to grace you with her witty repartee is health care reform with an anemic public option and the Republican filibuster power is the infection that we thought we’d finally rid ourselves of when we finally got Al Franken his seat.
Joe Lieberman is the fucker that finagles it so that all three of you to go home alone and then get all offended when you shoot him a dirty look and a dirty finger when he’s all, “Dude. Couldn’t close that deal, huh? Sucks. She was alright, though.”
But don’t take my word for. Dr. Rachel Maddow has had her blazers in a bunch over it for the past two nights. And I don’t blame her. In the whole history of the Senate no one (NO ONE) has voted with the opposition to prevent cloture for the party they caucus with. I understand wanting to make a name for yourself, but Benedict Arnold doesn’t seem like the wisest of choices.
In real life, such masterful cock-blockery often results in a five-finger salute to face. I’m not advocating violence, but I am advocating a swift and decisive response to such disregard for the leadership of the party with which you caucus. I am advocating that the Democratic party strip him of his leadership, run someone against him and censure him and then call that pretty girl up, beg her pardon and see if you can get her to talk to you again now that your douche-y “friend” is gone.
I never thought that I’d say this but, you guys, I’m worried about Dick Cheney.
And not worried in your run of the mill, Holy Mantights Batman, that VeePee Vermin has Struck Again! sort of way.
I’m talking worried like, Sweet Rollerskating Jeebus it’s Friday Night and my Budget Will Only Allow for Beer or Pizza- Not Both. You know, seriously worried.
At first, I thought that he had a case of the George “It’s not a lie if you believe it” Constanza-s. But after seeing the footage on Dr. Maddow’s show last night I’m becoming a bit alarmed.
My brother is unwell. He presents with symptoms concurrent with schizophrenia. His illness manifests itself in paranoid delusions, anti-social behavior and disordered thoughts. He has accused me of working in collusion with Them while being part of a vast gay conspiracy to imprison him. He once told me that he had to stop using the internet because the computer was talking to him and watching him.
He refuses to seek treatment because he believes he is the only okay one in the world.
Listening to the voracity with which Dick Cheney defends and praises the use of torture is like listening to my brother defend and praise his “camouflaging” and admonish me and the rest of my family for suggesting that he might not need to camouflage if he would seek professional help. When Dick Cheney talks about giving comfort to the enemy, I imagine one of my conversations with my brother when he accuses me and my sister and my cousins of being snitches who are out to get him. Thinking about the fact that Dick Cheney spent most of the 8 years of the Bush Administration in an undisclosed bunker that could not be imaged on Google satellites reminds me of the fact that not once in the past 6 years has my brother told his address or kept the same phone number for more than six months. The unwavering sureness of Dick Cheney’s convictions, despite fact, history and public opinion to the contrary is indicative to me of deep and chronic delusion, paranoid in nature. I think he’s crazy. And not just racist and mean-spirited crazy like Pat Buchanan, Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck. Really crazy.
You know, when he was in charge I was scared for us. Now, despite my best intentions, I’m scared for him, as I am scared for my brother.
So it occurred to RHS and I on Sunday as we were shoveling awesome breakfasty goodness into our mouths having a nice Brunch Date to belatedly celebrate our 5 years of being a Team [That’s how we think of ourselves, as a Team. We even have a team name and a secret handshake. That’s okay. Take a moment. It will still be true when you re-read it.] that we were less than a year away from our big come and celebrate the permanence of our relationship and bring us presents¹ party.
So yeah, we’re wedding² planning.
I know that this will be a surprise, but… I have not been planning my wedding since I was a little girl. I’ve been planning it, seriously planning it, since Sunday.
RHS and I made lists and talked about options and made more lists and suddenly it occurred to me that I might end up with one of those god-awful wedding binders and began to panic a little bit, but then I calmed myself down by telling myself that if I had to have a wedding binder then I’d have to buy a new wedding messenger bag to carry the binder and that and the Bloody Mary made me feel a lot better. That, and the thought that a god-awful wedding binder is kind of a tiny cost to pay to get hitched to RHS.
So yeah… wedding planning.
This means that every now and then there will be a post about the planning stages. Posts like, Why can’t we just throw your ethics out of the window so that I can have that nice diamond ring, hunny? Or the inevitable: People need mini-cheeseburgers more than they need crudites. It’s a fact.
I hope that you (and RHS) can bear with me.
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¹Go look at the loading graphics of KitchenAid.com. Those are kind of dirty, right?
²Maine has a big vote on Question 1 coming up. Get out the word to your friends in Maine to show up and vote NO on Question 1 on November 3rd.
Earlier this week I was feeling all down about the fact that America lost its bid for the 2016 Olympics but I must say this news this morning of President Barack Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize – after three of our scientists taking the Nobel Prize in Medicine – really eases the pain.
Now I am sure that some outlets on the Right are really working hard today to paint the fact that our sitting President winning a Nobel Peace Prize is a super bad thing. I’m sure that someone will even have the gall to throw in a little Affirmative Action into the mix to which I say: It sure as hell is an Affirmative Action pick. Barack Obama winning the Nobel Peace prize AFFIRMS that his ACTIONS are in line with the aims of the global community and AFFIRMS that America’s ACTIONS are being well received by that community. Which is awesome for Team America.
If the certain outlets on the Right want to believe that this is bad then, well, that’s on them. Some people just like to be miserable. Maybe the flags that they’ve wrapped themselves in have gotten too tight and have decreased the flow of oxygen to their brains. Maybe they’ve been smothered by their tea bags.
Course, I would like to remind them, that you can’t be a right proper jingoist, if you’re going to be all Team America, Fuck No about this.
And also, in Team America news… we fucking shot the moon. And it’s as awesome as it sounds. I’m going to wait until to post Dr. Rachel Maddow’s take on it tonight. Which should be totally nerdalicious. Fuck Yeah!
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¹Which makes me kind of sad for Brazil. Seriously, maybe we can give them one of ours. Not Barack’s, but someone’s.
Brazil is awesome – my friends have the pictures on Facebook to prove it. The Olympics are going to be a rocking good time because, I firmly believe, Brazil knows how to party. And sport.
Read this. And then read this, specifically this part:
“Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort.”
Now, am I stroking out or is John L. Perry talking treason?
I know that I’m not what one would call a Constitutional scholar, but I can read. And when I read a man talking about a military coup against the sitting President of the United States of America during a time of war, that just reads to me like John L. Perry might be traitor what with his “adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort.”
Who knows, maybe he’s taking notes from Mr. Please Osama Bin Laden Attack Us Again Michael Scheuer.
I wonder what it will take for this kind of threat against the well-being of America and her President to be taken seriously.
I wonder why this…
Nowhere near the President. (Not so much treason.)
…is more threatening than this?
Very near the President. (Smells like teen-treason.)
It’s kind of a beautiful thing I guess that the Constitution protects the freedoms of even the most treasonous among us. It’s also a beautiful thing the the President of the United States of America, Barack Hussein Obama, respects the Constitution. That makes Mr. Perry and Mr. Scheuer pretty lucky to be in this America. They would be wise to remember that and stop plotting against her.
What did the Democratic Congressman say to the Republican obfuscation and obstruction about health care reform?
Slap!
My bad… I totally thought that I was watching the Chappelle Show for a minute.
I mean, it is easy to confuse the brass pairs on this fellow…
… with the brass pairs on this fellow.¹
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¹I agree that “holocaust” was not the right word and that surely he could have used something else to give his rhetoric some sting, but I do appreciate that there are still some Democrats willing to scrap (Rep. Weiner, Sen. Schumer and Nancy Pelosi can’t do this on their own [I'm looking at you Max]). I appreciate that he conceded to his poor word choice on Dr. Maddow’s show this evening. Hopefully he’ll be a bit more thoughtful with his scrappiness in the future.
Dear Mike Huckabee, Thank you so much for recommending that part of my fair City be jack-hammed off to float out into oblivion. Your desire to annex part of the Union really speaks to your patriotism. Your eloquent display of tact proves to me just how important diplomacy is.
Also, it’s nice to know that you think that New York City has recovered enough after 9/11 for you to suggest digging a big crater in it. I know that I’m still probably dealing with some PTSD, but it’s good that you’re totally able to move on. It makes fills me with indescribable emotion to know that when I see this…
Ground Zero 2009
…you see this.
Ground Zero Unicorn, 2009
You must be taking classy lessons from the Phelps klan and I’ve got to say, with citizens like you, America sure doesn’t need to worry about enemies.
