All of these presents and I don’t even have my tree yet.

Kwannukahmas time is here.

Time for Christmas trees, Unity and awesome menorahs.

AWESOME!

The tree in Rockefeller Center is looking fantastic and my prune-dried soul is filling with Seasonal Feelings of goodwill.

I dedicate this tree to a certain Mr. Charles Brown

After-all, it is the time of giving.

And boy, has the Universe provided.

Yesterday, OOMFPAWWIHFOAMFOY, told me about Glenn Beck’s Christmas Sweater.  The “Glen Beck Experience” in which how he recounts how he was an ungrateful, hateful little asshat of a boy and crushed his poor mother’s heart (on Christmas no less) and then she died.  Now he’s telling his story to illustrate his redemption and his faith and to show us, the great man that he’s become.

This story…

Created this man…

Seems about right.

Last night though, my girlfriend, Rachel Maddow, Ph.D. (Doctor Maddow to you), gave me the best gift of the season.  [Wow, that sounds kind of dirty when you re-read it.  Go ahead, re-read it.  I will wait.]

Anyhoods, there was dancing with shades and a disco ball.  There was insightful news making and there was the sheer and utter delight that is Rachel Maddow.  The whole episode is genius.  But what really brought it home for me was the “I guess I’m racist” ad.

Thank you anti-health reform wingnuts for building this beautiful new toy in your workshops of terror.

You should watch Doctor Maddow’s clip for some very incisive commentary from (my other girlfriend who’s not Ana Marie Cox) Professor Melissa Harris-Lacewell.  [Another gift.]

The whole add for your chortling pleasure.

Here’s the thing.  If I was watching the television, as I am want to do, and I looked up and saw a majority of white faces¹ telling me that they were racist, I’d say, “Of course you are.  Now how do I get back to that other channel, I need to see if the Cowboys are going to win this game?”  “Or.  Okay, I hope you’re not interrupting my Fringe with this mess.  Because if you’re interfering in my deep and meaningful relationship with Olivia Dunham we are going to have words.”

What I mean is that I wouldn’t be surprised.  I’d be annoyed that you were using your white-privilege to disturb my sacred TV time to tell me, but… you’re a racist, you obviously don’t care about the wants and desires of little ol’ X-Files missing me.

In words of my very astute friends: If someone tells you about themselves, believe them.
I believe  you racists.

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¹And seriously, two black dudes and dude of Asian Pacific Islander decent.  I know it’s hard finding work as an actor and all, but… did you know what you were signing up for?  I mean, we’ve done our share of bad shows/movies/plays what have you.  But seriously?  We have all done things that are going to get us kicked out of our respective clubs.

I’m just saying… Black Dudes… be on the look out for operatives from SCAN.

I was blind but now I see.

I am not a movie person.

The actor part of me gets really frustrated when I watch them because they are so clearly the director’s and the cinematographer’s medium.
I am neither.

But I do see a movie now and then.  And when I saw Where the Wild Things Are I paid close attention to the trailers while I was waiting for RHS to come back from the bathroom so that I could guilt her into buying me concession.
Trailers can be teaching moments.

What I learned when I watched the trailer for The Blind Side, the new Sandra Bullock vehicle was very eye-opening.

1. White people are so good and trusting and kind.
2. Black people are so big and dumb and slow and poor.
3. White people have beautiful homes.
4. Black people don’t have homes.
5. White people are stable.
6. Black people are unpredictable.
7. White people coach football.
8. Black people play football.
9. White people are the best thing to ever happen to black people.
10. Black people are the best pets white people can have.

That trailer has been all over the place lately… teaching.
And when you’ve received the lesson, it’s not that hard to make the leap from black people to people of color in general.

And seems that there are certain boys and girls who are eager to lead the class.  Larry Whitten gets a gold star this week for learning the lesson so well.
Forbidding your employees to speak Spanish in your presence – not, mind you, when they’re dealing with customers, but when they are in the same room as you talking to their co-workers – because you don’t trust them.  A+
[Let’s not get it twisted, the fact that Whitten thought they might be talking about him - and who doesn’t talk about their boss? - directly implies that he doesn’t trust that they’re not.  And he doesn’t trust what they are saying about him.  He doesn’t trust them if he can’t understand them.]

Making  your employees change their names for “the satisfaction of [your] guests because people calling from all over America don’t know the Spanish accents or the Spanish culture or Spanish anything.”  A++
I mean, except for the fact that nearly everyone in the Taos knows something of the OUTLANDISHLY FOREIGN Spanish accents, culture and language.  Also, except for the fact that Martin is pronounced exactly in Spanish as it is in French and the American pronunciation of Martin is a nasty-garish derivative.
Asking someone to whiten up their name while simultaneously belittling their language and culture and ignoring the millions of people in America who are a part of that language an culture earns you this nice, pretty dunce cap Mr. Whitten.

Firing your employees because they didn’t kowtow to your white superiority.  Well that just takes the cape.  You get to graduate Grand Dragon Class Valedictorian.

Bravo.
I hope that you thank Sandra Bullock, Warner Bros. Pictures and Alcon Entertainment in your acceptance speech.

L8r Tr8r

Do me a favor, if you wouldn’t mind.

Read this.
And then read this, specifically this part:

“Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort.”

Now, am I stroking out or is John L. Perry talking treason?

I know that I’m not what one would call a Constitutional scholar, but I can read.  And when I read a man talking about a military coup against the sitting President of the United States of America during a time of war, that just reads to me like John L. Perry might be traitor what with his “adhering to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort.”

Who knows, maybe he’s taking notes from Mr. Please Osama Bin Laden Attack Us Again Michael Scheuer.

I wonder what it will take for this kind of threat against the well-being of America and her President to be taken seriously.

I wonder why this…

Nowhere near the President. (Not so much treason.)

…is more threatening than this?

Very near the President. (Smells like teen-treason.)

It’s kind of a beautiful thing I guess that the Constitution protects the freedoms of even the most treasonous among us.  It’s also a beautiful thing the the President of the United States of America, Barack Hussein Obama, respects the Constitution.  That makes Mr. Perry and Mr. Scheuer pretty lucky to be in this America.  They would be wise to remember that and stop plotting against her.

But what’s in a name?

It’s just High Times over at the Family Research Council Action’s 2009 Values Voter Summit.  Especially when Roy Blunt is at the podium.

How about those values?

Yeah, I think that I’ll puffpuffpass on them too.

Doggone it.

Some people have no home training.

You know the people I’m talking about.

Kanye

Serena

Joe Wilson

And some people act like they’ve never even been house broken.  Rush Limbaugh is just that kind of person.  He’s the kind that you don’t even want in your house but if he has to come in, you want to make sure you’ve put some newspapers down because you know that he’s just going to run around yapping and pissing all over your nice clean hardwood floors.

That’s why my Grandma always had outside dogs.

Pie in the sky.

I’m glad that I found this. Now that I know the face of the opposition I have a very clear idea of where to throw the pies.

Bean pies.

Joe Blow.

Civility now (‘cuz you know I’ll be a racist pro-Confederacy asshole again later)!

And now to what’s super important on the interwebs today (drumroll)…

Whitney Houston’s new album has topped the BillBoard charts.
I guess it’s Bobby who’s moving into the Heartbreak Hotel this week.

Voodoo Child

Another day, another opportunity to make smart ass comments about the things that happen in politics.

7:49PM

Let’s introduce the players while we’re waiting for things to get started:

• Presidential Address Buffet.
  Leftover Chinese food from last night.  Leftover pizza from two night’s ago.  Mini-Heinekens.  Can of coke.
• My fiance the lovely and talented Red Headed Stepchild (RHS).
• Peaco

7:57PM
CNN Pundits are trying to low-ball our expectations and prepare us for the eventuality that Obama will punk-out on the public option.  RHS starts yelling at the TV and then goes into the kitchen to get a mini-Heineken for herself.  (That’s my girl, just drink the pain away, sweetheart.  Drink the pain away.)
I feel like I should say right now, that logically I am prepared for Obama to punk out on public option, but emotionally I am not.  I really don’t want to have to end this post with “Fucking Grow a Pair Obama.”  But… we’ll see.

8:01PM
It’s go time!

RHS:  Peaco is a central presence at any political event.
Peaco: Silence.

8:02PM
Michelle Obama enters.  I think that she has her very own wind-machine for her hair.  That’s the kind of power I want, ya’ll.  Also, I love the color on her, but I am not sure about the pleats.  The Snobs on the Blacksnob group chat totally agreed.

Is it just me, or does Eric Holder look a lot like Oprah’s Stedman Graham?

Obama's man

Oprah's man

8:05PM
Ed Rollins, Republican Strategist,  wants to “argue on the merits.”  I want to be a former lover of Angelina Jolie.  We can’t always get what we want (especially if Republicans are in the vicinity).

8:11PM
Obama enters as I sing the Rocky theme song in my head.  Clapter ensues.

8:14PM
These people sure do love to clap.

8:15PM
No, thank you!

8:16PM
Nancy Pelosi:  I have a gavel!  And some pearls!
Members of Congress:  Eh!  Oh!
Arsenio Hall:  Woot!  Woot!

8:17PM
Obama:  When I spoke here last winter, you all liked me so much better.  Remember liking me?  Let’s go back to that happy place.

8:21PM
Obama: Middle class Americans are being bankrupted by health care costs.  The fact that America can’t provide health care for Americans makes us an embarrassment to the world.  I’ve got the numbers to prove it.

8:23PM
Miami Sound Machine: Get on your feet! Stand up and take some action!
RHS:  The members of Congress or worse than Broadway audiences.  They’ll clap at anything.

8:25PM
Obama:  We know that we must reform the system.  The question is how.
BPD:  The answer is single payer.  At least a public option.
Obama:  I believe it makes more sense to build on what works and fix what doesn’t.
Whitney Houston:  I believe in you and me.

8:27PM
Obama: Let’s focus on how we have been able to come together and get unprecedented work done.

8:28PM
Obama: “The time for games has passed.“

8:29PM
Obama:  All right America.  Let’s get it cracking.

1. If you’re already covered, you’re straight.
   1. This plan will just make your shit all the more tight.
   2. You can’t get dropped for pre-existing conditions.
   3. Limits on out of pocket expenses.
   4. Routine check-ups and preventive care are covered.
2. If your insurance situation is jacked up you’re going to get something you can afford.
   1. An insurance exchange will be created.  (It will take four years to get rolling.)
   2. If you can’t afford it, we’ll provide tax credits.
   3. In the meantime we’re going to provide you with affordable options.
   4. Individuals will be required to carry basic health insurance.
   5. Business will be required to provide health care or chip in to cover the cost of their workers.
   6. Small businesses will get a nice little deal.
   7. Big business will get the wrath of Sasha Obama if they don’t.
3. Improving our health care system only works if everyone does their part.

8:37PM
Obama:

“…given all the misinformation that’s been spread over the past few months, I realize — I realize that many Americans have grown nervous about reform. So tonight, I want to address some of the key controversies that are still out there.

Some of people’s concerns have grown out of bogus claims spread by those whose only agenda is to kill reform at any cost. The best example is the claim, made not just by radio and cable talk show hosts, but by prominent politicians, that we plan to set up panels of bureaucrats with the power to kill off senior citizens.

Now, such a charge would be laughable if it weren’t so cynical and irresponsible. It is a lie plain and simple.”

Congressman Joe Wilson of South Carolina, just interrupted the President and called him a liar.  In the words of The Coasters, “yakity yak.  Don’t talk back.”
In the words of my Grandmother, “Child, sit down and be quiet.  Can’t you see grown folks is talking.”

WTF Break

RHS:  Did someone just boo the President of the United States, Commander and Chief of our Armed Forces and Leader of the Free World, and call him a liar?
BPD:  You heard it too?  I thought that I was stroking out.  That is some mess.  This is a joint session of Congress not an Octagon match.
Peaco:  I wonder if that would have happened if the color of his skin doesn’t make him fair game to many people in the room?  This denial of rank and privilege is a common thread of White Americans in response to people of color.  No one was going around hanging images of Dubya in effigy.  I know.  I am a man of color too.

8:45PM
Obama:  I will not back down on the basic principle that, if Americans can’t find affordable coverage, we will provide you with a choice.  (How you like them apples, BPD?)
BPD:  Sweet, hunny, listen, the POTUS’ balls just dropped!

8:46PM
Obama:  I have no idea how I’m going to pay for this.

8:47PM
RHS & BPD: We’ll pay for it, Jesus!  Just get the shit done!

8:48PM

Obama:  Now, part of the reason I faced a trillion-dollar deficit when I walked in the door of the White House is because too many initiatives over the last decade were not paid for, from the Iraq war to tax breaks for the wealthy.
I will not make that same mistake with health care.

8:49PM
Obama:  Old people, Medicare is safe.

8:55PM
Obama:  My door is always open.  But know this: I will not waste time with those who have made the calculation that it’s better politics to kill this plan than to improve it.
BPD :  I think that Obama got my letter.

8:56PM
Obama:  We will call you out your lies.  And we will stare right at the Republicans while we do it.

8:57PM
Obama: Ted Kennedy
Biden: Joe Biden is a real man!  Joe Biden cries!
Pelosi:  Thank goodness I wore my waterproof mascara.
Obama:  Now I’m going to put some Republicans on the spot and make them feel bad about punking Ted Kennedy’s memory.
Pelosi:  Joe?
Joe:  Don’t look at me woman, I’m barely keeping it together.  I am two gentlemanly sniffles away from breaking into full out sobs.

9:03PM
It is over.  Barack Obama just lit that shit on fire and gyrated over it.

I stand up next to a mountain, and I chop it down with the edge of my hand.

9:04PM
The crowd loses its mind.

9:07PM  – RETORT
Rep.  Boustany:  Lord Boustany here responding.  My arms sort of flap at my sides when I’m not wearing my crown.  I think that when people get sick, it’s their own fault.  Ta! Ta! peons!

BPD:  Loud Boustany = FAIL.  When you make Bobby Jindal seem like he’s got Ferris Bueller charm you’re not doing anything but helping my team.

~~~

Dudes, Barack fucking killed it.  The speech was well structured and I really applauded when he got forceful.  I was glad to hear him clearly articulate what he wants.  I am very interested to see how the wonks work it all out.  I was really pleased with the way that he directed a great deal of his address to the Republicans.  Equally pleased was the, “I think I just soiled my pants” face that most of them started to make.

He really brought it home at the end with the Ted Kennedy bit.  That was just masterful.  I feel good that he’s still in the fight.

And I know, that it’s not cogent policy, but enough cannot be said for how useful a little hope injection can be.

Somewhere over the Rainbow.

The Good.

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.

The bad.

My child (yet to exist) will never hear the dulcet tones of Chakka Khan (yes, ya’ll, that’s Chakka!  She’s every woman and the only woman to sing both incarnations of the theme.) sing the Reading Rainbow theme.  As of Friday, August 28th, the Reading Rainbow is no more.
First Michael and then RR.  Have you seen my childhood?

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The Ugly.

Latoya Peterson over at Jezebel shared the news in Variety that Tyler Perry has been asked to “write, direct and produce an adaptation of the 1975 play ” ‘For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf.’ “ Ms. Peterson’s post on Jezebel is a scalpel of a finely tuned response to this heartbreaking news.

Allow me to be the sledge hammer.

There is a void in entertainment.  A black-hole if you will.  CW scrapped all of its brown-run and peopled shows that weren’t Tyler Perry joints.  There are no new shows on any of the major networks that focus on brown-skinned principles.  Brown show-runners are greatly outnumbered by their white counterparts. The Great White Way lives up to its name despite the success of Ruined.  The number of brown directors, producers, designers working on and off-Broadway in theatre can probably be counted on my hands.

There is a dearth of opportunities for black actors.  I experience this first hand when I scan casting calls for auditions.  I learned very early in the auditioning game that unless the call specifically says, “black”  or “ethnic” there’s no need for me to read any further.  In calls for actors, “American,” “pretty,” “girl-next-door,” “smart,” “shy,” “friendly,” “LEAD,” “Principle,” “quirky,” “neurotic,” “proud,” or “happy,” means that the people behind the table aren’t looking for someone who looks like me.  It’s hard to find work as an actor.  There is far more competition than there are roles.  There are far more roles than there are paychecks.  It’s hard, as an actor, to just be immediately out of the running for roles because the industry only sees you as black.  Or, more specifically, it’s hard as an actor to be immediately out of the running for roles because the industry doesn’t see you because you’re black.

It’s one thing when it’s hard to see a place for yourself when you’re searching Backstage or the casting section of the AEA website or Playbill.com.  It’s another thing completely to not see a place for yourself when you’re flipping channels on TV or watching movie trailers or watching the Tony’s.

So I should be excited about Tyler Perry, shouldn’t I?  He is filling that void.  I should be pleased that he is providing work for such talent as Taraji P. Henson, Angela Bassett and Cecily Tyson.  I should be heartened that Tyler Perry is an artist doing the hard and much needed work of making room for black artists in the entertainment industry and making stories that speak to Black audiences.

Except, Tyler Perry is not an artist.

He’s not a writer.
The themes of his “work” are slapdash hodgepodges of pickaninny stereotypes.  It adds nothing new to the discussion of black identity. His dialogue is unnatural and inartful.  His portrayals of women lack… well frankly, what don’t they lack?  His musings on the male/female dynamic read as elementary school morality tales.

He is not a director.
His plays, movies and television shows lack the steady hand of a person with a dedication to guiding the story. The lack of set, lighting and sound design is so woeful, it can’t be explained away simply as a lack of knowledge.  The fact that he his unable to clearly articulate the stories that he has himself crafted helps me to further know that directing is not something that he can do.

He is not an actor.  He can’t even play straight.  (I don’t really need to get into that, do I?)

I’m even going to go so far as to say that he’s not a producer, since I don’t think that people should be rewarded for consistently producing crap.  Babies, dogs, cats, birds, gerbils… those are all things that produce crap independent of thought or art but we’re not honoring them with NAACP recognition.

Mr. Perry doesn’t care about art or black artists or black audiences.  If Mr. Perry cared about art he would refine his “crafts.”  If Mr. Perry cared about his black audiences he wouldn’t persist shoving his sorry excuse of work down their throats.  He wouldn’t insult them or the artists he employs by producing half-assery.

Worse, Mr. Perry works in collusion with the entertainment industry.  As long as he is producing his garbage, the big studios never have to take Ms. Henson or Ms. Bassett seriously.  The industry never has to seriously consider making room for brown actors, writers, producers or directors because Tyler Perry is more than happy to dress up as Madea and shuck and jive a script at them.    On and off-Broadway houses (and companies) don’t have to worry about developing the work of artists of color because Tyler Perry shows kill.  They rake in money and actors who desperately need jobs to keep the lights on.

You know, a great number of people within the black community accuse Mr. Perry’s detractors of being bourgeoisie.  Let’s not get it twisted.  My frustration with Tyler Perry is not about me being bougie.  I am.  I don’t have a problem with that.  If you do, you’re reading the wrong blog.  My frustration with Tyler Perry is about art.  Simply filling the void with any old thing isn’t good enough.  Tyler Perry is all about throwing what’s good enough at us when he is in the position to actually do something better.  The fact that he doesn’t wounds me at my very core as an artist and a black person.

When I look at my opportunities as an actor (and an artist) of color and I see it breaking down along the lines of not-working and doing the shit that Tyler Perry passes off as work I feel disgust and anger.  Angry that the industry doesn’t think that people who look like me matter enough to make a living doing my craft and have my stories be told.  Disgusted that Tyler Perry exploits that, not to make art, or tell stories that need to be told, but to make a quick buck.  He’s the liquor store on every other corner of my predominately brown neighborhood.

He’s not fit to tell anyone’s stories much less the seminal story of Ntozake Shange.  For Colored Girls requires an artist and it’s clear that Mr. Perry has no interest in that (nor it seems, does the industry).

The Lone Gunmen would be so proud.

My grandmother believes that the Wheel of Fortune is fixed against the black man by a vast conspiracy orchestrated by Vanna White.  (“Her last name is White, afterall, Undra.”)
She told me this one day when I was twelve right after she told me that she didn’t put much stock in the “science” of evolution because if scientists were so smart they should have been able to see through the hoax of the moon landing. After all the flag was waving and The Star Treks was a TV show and the quality wasn’t nearly as grainy as the “quote moon-landing.”

I was right in the middle of suggesting that perhaps the flag was waving because space is a vacuum and the waving was really just the flag being restrained from being sucked out into the ether by the pole.  That explanation made sense to a twelve year old.  It did not make sense to my grandmother who said that the only vacuum that she was concerned with was the Hoover that I wasn’t pushing across her living room floor.

My Uncle once told me that he didn’t play pool because it’s a racist game that serves as a metaphor for how the white man (cue ball) eliminates all of the other cultures (solids and stripes) before finally going after the black ball and dominating the world.

I watched the X-Files.  All nine years.
I am currently obsessed with Fringe.  (You should hit me up on the email or the comments if you want to know my theory on what’s going on in the series.)
I am not averse to conspiracy.

But the conspiracy theories that have been jumping off around HCR have left me speechless.  They were… honestly?  Hysterical.  They were X-Files season 8 and 9 laughable.  They were Mulder is the Smoking Man’s son laughable.    I mean, come on now.
So though they were seriously batshit, I think for the most part I was able to keep them at arm’s length.  I really don’t like to get that close to crazy.

But this new mess about Obama’s speech to the school-goers of America being a kind of indoctrination and brainwashing comparable to Communist China is just beyond The Whoa!  Seriously, what in the Sam Goody!?!

First of all what is wrong with indoctrinating our children with a sense of the importance of education?  Should children not think that their education is important?
Is this just like the problem with giving everyone health-care?  You know, the theory that if everyone has an opportunity and an investment in succeeding, all of America will collapse?

I don’t think that Damon Weaver would have gotten his interview with the President (or Oprah) if he hadn’t been imbued, at an early age, with the idea that with his education he could do amazing things.  Hell, I don’t think that Barack Obama would be POTUS if he hadn’t been similarly instructed.

Secondly…
Okay I’ve got no secondly.

I’m still totally confused about how Glenn Beck and Michelle Malkin are anti-education.
Maybe they’d both rather see this

That's the sound of the men working on the chain gang.

than this

Moorehouse. More graduates.

Shame on them.