Ah, Tears for Fears… when have you ever been wrong?
Last night Doctor Rachel Maddow who errs in now way (except for the way that her teenyteenytiny section in the NBC Store in Rockefeller Center does not carry Mind Over Chatter shirts that fit me) was all over Sloppy Joe Lieberman last night like herpes on a Hilton (I said it and I stand by it).
I cannot compete. But I can sum it up with a little help from my friends Roland and Curt.
I can’t stand this indecision
married with a lack of vision
Everybody wants to rule the world.
Last week it seemed like it was 2001 (and we all know what a banner year that was for America) now it seems like it might be 1998.
Why?
Because Lilith Fair is back. I know that I’m the last to know (I am not on the email list), but it’s breaking news to me. And secretly the young, I’m not quite sure if I’m a lesbian but I like it here because all of these ladies are super friendly to me and I do enjoy a compliment, BPD is pleased as punch because well, all of the ladies at Lilith Fair were super friendly to me and I do enjoy a compliment.
But still, one of my favourite people at work who I haven’t figured out a moniker for yet (and frankly doesn’t OOMFPAWWIHFOAMFOY seems a bit long? Awesome, but long.) and I were talking about how we just can’t get all of the way behind it.
Because I mean, the late nineties were all about ladies doing their best Joni Mitchell impressions what with their guitars and their scarves and their sing-songwriter with a little dash of now let’s all sleep with each other thrown in. Oh those Halcyon days, when all a girl needed was a sweet pair of overalls and a beaded necklace.
But we’re in the two-thousandsies (Dr. Rachel Maddow says it and so can I!) now and things have changed. I mean, sure, ladies are still super friendly to me and I do enjoy a compliment but the music landscape is totally different. I haven’t seen my overalls in a while now and I always give RHS the stink-eye when she ties on a scarf. Also, who’s going to play?
Miley Cyrus Beyonce Katy Perry Lady Gaga
I mean, they’re nice girls and all, but I just don’t get the Lilith vibe from them, you know, and the former headliners are, well, former.
I mean, Sarah McLachlan hasn’t had a job in ages. Those ASPCA promos just don’t pay the bills.
The Indigo Girls have faded to just plain old blue. Emily went and got her heart broke and Amy Ray went and got… uhm, younger women?
Tori Amos has made it clear that she’s not into the Lilith Fair (Isn’t she just our favourite little megalomaniac outside of Barbra?) so we can count her out – again.
Who’s left?
Joan Osborn – haven’t heard from her in ages so I’m thinking that she got mugged by one of those strangers on the bus.
Who’s currently happening in the industry that fits within the Lilith milieu? And does anybody still want to pay to sit on a lawn among the scarfed and questionably washed (friendly though they may be) to see them?
These are the tough questions facing the Lilith Fair promoters. And I know that there are lists all over the interwebs with dream line-ups and they’re alright and all, but I have one that beats them all.
Lilith Fucking Fair Bitches!
Patti Labelle Not only did LaBelle release a new album a year ago but Pattie Labelle is prepared to sing herself into a diabetic coma. That is some showmanship. Ain’t no acoustic guitar toting girl (even you, Ani) can beat that.
Heart How do we get them alone?
Karen Oh Oh yes!
Meshell Ndegeocello Who is she and what is she to me? One badass sexy lady. Who plays bass. And is badass and sexy. Why are there even questions about this?
Tina Turner Her Buddhism will add the den mother factor. Also, she owns a white and a silver leather jumpsuit. That totally beats the scarves any day.
Liza Minnelli You are guaranteed Quaaludes, mascara and an amazing wig-off with Tina Turner.
Crazy with a Z
Whitney Houston Whitney needs a gig ya’ll. And frankly, you’re going to need someone who knows exactly how to revive you when you’ve had taken too many of Liza’s happy pills and had too many crack (oh, I’m sorry cocaine) laced pot-brownies.
Elton John Bitch loves a party. And costumes. Win.
You know you’d rather see this line up than anything Sarah McMopelan can throw together.
I’ve been sitting here, dithering, if you will, for the past couple of days trying to think of a clever play on Joe Lieberman’s name.
So far I’ve come up with:
Joe Blows Joe Diddly Say it ain’t Joe Not Joe Senator Joe Shit Joe-berwokky No way Joe-se Sloppy Joe
My favourite, however, is Cock Block. It’s not a play on words so much as an accurate description of Joe Lieberman’s time in Senate. He’s the “friend” telling the hot girl that you’ve just gotten to talk to you about that weird infection you had last week.
In this case the hot girl that’s just deigned to grace you with her witty repartee is health care reform with an anemic public option and the Republican filibuster power is the infection that we thought we’d finally rid ourselves of when we finally got Al Franken his seat.
Joe Lieberman is the fucker that finagles it so that all three of you to go home alone and then get all offended when you shoot him a dirty look and a dirty finger when he’s all, “Dude. Couldn’t close that deal, huh? Sucks. She was alright, though.”
But don’t take my word for. Dr. Rachel Maddow has had her blazers in a bunch over it for the past two nights. And I don’t blame her. In the whole history of the Senate no one (NO ONE) has voted with the opposition to prevent cloture for the party they caucus with. I understand wanting to make a name for yourself, but Benedict Arnold doesn’t seem like the wisest of choices.
In real life, such masterful cock-blockery often results in a five-finger salute to face. I’m not advocating violence, but I am advocating a swift and decisive response to such disregard for the leadership of the party with which you caucus. I am advocating that the Democratic party strip him of his leadership, run someone against him and censure him and then call that pretty girl up, beg her pardon and see if you can get her to talk to you again now that your douche-y “friend” is gone.
I never thought that I’d say this but, you guys, I’m worried about Dick Cheney.
And not worried in your run of the mill, Holy Mantights Batman, that VeePee Vermin has Struck Again! sort of way.
I’m talking worried like, Sweet Rollerskating Jeebus it’s Friday Night and my Budget Will Only Allow for Beer or Pizza- Not Both. You know, seriously worried.
At first, I thought that he had a case of the George “It’s not a lie if you believe it” Constanza-s. But after seeing the footage on Dr. Maddow’s show last night I’m becoming a bit alarmed.
My brother is unwell. He presents with symptoms concurrent with schizophrenia. His illness manifests itself in paranoid delusions, anti-social behavior and disordered thoughts. He has accused me of working in collusion with Them while being part of a vast gay conspiracy to imprison him. He once told me that he had to stop using the internet because the computer was talking to him and watching him.
He refuses to seek treatment because he believes he is the only okay one in the world.
Listening to the voracity with which Dick Cheney defends and praises the use of torture is like listening to my brother defend and praise his “camouflaging” and admonish me and the rest of my family for suggesting that he might not need to camouflage if he would seek professional help. When Dick Cheney talks about giving comfort to the enemy, I imagine one of my conversations with my brother when he accuses me and my sister and my cousins of being snitches who are out to get him. Thinking about the fact that Dick Cheney spent most of the 8 years of the Bush Administration in an undisclosed bunker that could not be imaged on Google satellites reminds me of the fact that not once in the past 6 years has my brother told his address or kept the same phone number for more than six months. The unwavering sureness of Dick Cheney’s convictions, despite fact, history and public opinion to the contrary is indicative to me of deep and chronic delusion, paranoid in nature. I think he’s crazy. And not just racist and mean-spirited crazy like Pat Buchanan, Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck. Really crazy.
You know, when he was in charge I was scared for us. Now, despite my best intentions, I’m scared for him, as I am scared for my brother.
Earlier this week I was feeling all down about the fact that America lost its bid for the 2016 Olympics but I must say this news this morning of President Barack Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize – after three of our scientists taking the Nobel Prize in Medicine – really eases the pain.
Now I am sure that some outlets on the Right are really working hard today to paint the fact that our sitting President winning a Nobel Peace Prize is a super bad thing. I’m sure that someone will even have the gall to throw in a little Affirmative Action into the mix to which I say: It sure as hell is an Affirmative Action pick. Barack Obama winning the Nobel Peace prize AFFIRMS that his ACTIONS are in line with the aims of the global community and AFFIRMS that America’s ACTIONS are being well received by that community. Which is awesome for Team America.
If the certain outlets on the Right want to believe that this is bad then, well, that’s on them. Some people just like to be miserable. Maybe the flags that they’ve wrapped themselves in have gotten too tight and have decreased the flow of oxygen to their brains. Maybe they’ve been smothered by their tea bags.
Course, I would like to remind them, that you can’t be a right proper jingoist, if you’re going to be all Team America, Fuck No about this.
And also, in Team America news… we fucking shot the moon. And it’s as awesome as it sounds. I’m going to wait until to post Dr. Rachel Maddow’s take on it tonight. Which should be totally nerdalicious. Fuck Yeah!
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¹Which makes me kind of sad for Brazil. Seriously, maybe we can give them one of ours. Not Barack’s, but someone’s.
Brazil is awesome – my friends have the pictures on Facebook to prove it. The Olympics are going to be a rocking good time because, I firmly believe, Brazil knows how to party. And sport.
What did the Democratic Congressman say to the Republican obfuscation and obstruction about health care reform?
Slap!
My bad… I totally thought that I was watching the Chappelle Show for a minute.
I mean, it is easy to confuse the brass pairs on this fellow…
… with the brass pairs on this fellow.¹
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¹I agree that “holocaust” was not the right word and that surely he could have used something else to give his rhetoric some sting, but I do appreciate that there are still some Democrats willing to scrap (Rep. Weiner, Sen. Schumer and Nancy Pelosi can’t do this on their own [I'm looking at you Max]). I appreciate that he conceded to his poor word choice on Dr. Maddow’s show this evening. Hopefully he’ll be a bit more thoughtful with his scrappiness in the future.
Every now and then I like to get past all of the stupid and the mean and the hurtful in the world and embrace the joy.
And since RedHeaded Stepchild is in rehearsal for her NYC Fringe Show (which is going to be awesome!) and Rachel Maddow is on my TV and I’ve yet to win tickets to see Barbra, I’ve decided to embrace the newest addition to Dykes to Look Up To (and Oprah): Wanda Sykes.
I was born in Panama City and raised in Tampa Bay, Florida (Hillsborough County in the house!) until we moved to Connecticut when I was 11. I do not have many fond memories that are Tampa-specific; but of the few my favourite is of the Gasparilla Festival.
Every late January or early February Ye Mystic Krewe of the Gasparilla would invade the town and wreak havoc. There were chocolates shaped like coins in the street and snappers (that used to scare my sister terribly – much to the delight of my brother) and grown men in mascara and tights. It was a magical time.
+
Real men wear tights.
÷
That's Mister Manscara to you.
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Pretty, pretty pirate
My father would take us every year and every year between the Krewe’s cannons and pillaging he would say, “I can’t wait until next year.” Indeed, my brother, sister and I wished that every day was Gasparilla Day. So I guess that I kind of understand what these residents of Ybor City are going through…
If they keep this up they’ll end up just like all of the other pirate captains (including Jose Gaspar)… they’ll go down with the ship. Before they take health-care reform and America down with them, I think that we should mutiny.
Top 5 awesome things that I stumbled across on the interwebs today:
Well, six if you count this!
5. Michelle Obama and her husband are the best dressed people in the world meanwhile wrinklyracisthaters didn’t even make the list. It is hard being bitter and ugly.
