Like a Tina Fey break, except with Donna Brazile.

8 10 2008

Girlfriend sent this to me in a link from Jezebel.

I couldn’t view it at work because watching videos in any form is verboten but I have to say that it was well worth the wait.

This is one of the reasons that I am PrObama. This kind of hope for and pride in America that his candidacy inspires. I am bowled over by her sincerity and I like to think that Obama’s candidacy inspires that as well.

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Sarah Palin’s best recital ever!

5 10 2008

Wellwellwell. Where do we find ourselves? Oh yes, that’s right on the sober end of debate night.

I say sober end because I’m starting this post at 7 o’clock on Thursday evening (Lord knows when it’ll actually be posted). I’m still fighting off some kind of a virus so along with the headache I had last week, this week I’ve also got a bit of a fever. Fun!
Also, fun, I’ve got Heineken minis because I have to get up early and go to work tomorrow. So as you can see, a little bit of nagging sickness will not dampen my will to drink my way through a vice presidential debate.

There’s been a number of drinking games floating around the blogosphere (god bless you, each and everyone one of you, you drunken geniuses. I’m looking at you, Josh Nelson. I’d except nothing less than the best from you, MIT. Comedy Central never lets me down.) so I’m going to wait until Girlfriend gets home to decide whether or not we want to make up one of our own or if we just want to drink.

Tonight, Mr. And Mrs. Couplefriend are going to watch the debate at their home so we’ve invited new neighborhood friend, Bones.

The players:
Sarah Palin
Joe Biden
Gwen Ifill
Girlfriend (GF)
BPD
Bones
Heineken
Domino’s Pizza
Peanut Butter Filled Pretzels
Chocolate
Advil Cold & Sinus

Drinking game:

Any time Sarah Palin:
Makes a reference to hunting

Answers a question by restating the question asked of her
Implies that someone is being mean to her
Says, “Alaska”, “as Mayor”, “as Governor”, “Russia” or “You betcha”

One drink.

Anytime she actually gives a cogent answer to the question asked of her. Chug for 10 seconds.

Any time Joe Biden:
Refers to himself in the third person
Mentions his working class background or his father
Scoffs, sneers, chuckles derisively or smirks during a Sarah Palin search for words
Says, “folks”, “literally”, “Main Street”, “Wall Street” or “Russia”

One drink.

Any time Joe Biden asks Sarah Palin if she thinks that she deserves equal should she become the first female Vice President chug for 10 seconds.

Any mention of Tina Fey or Katie Couric drink till it’s empty.

~~~
DVR rules are in effect. Time stamps don’t matter.

Does Soledad O’Brien do Tae Bo?
Is Tae Bo still an exercise?

Anyhoods, Soledad is here to tell us about this week’s research group which are undecided voters from Ohio. This week they’re broken down by gender. The women are represented by a golden rod line on the graph at the bottom of the screen and then men are represented by a green line.

Here we go!

9PM
Wolf is killing time.
Is it just me or do the podiums look stouter this time?
Oh, I know. They’re shorter because Sarah Palin is a member of the Lollipop Guild. (A hated member who’s not allowed to touch the lollipops or to vote or to greet mysterious strangers from over the rainbow. She’s a blight on the mighty Guild. A blight I say!)

9:01PM
Good evening Gwen!
That’s a good wig you’ve got on. Is it from the S. Epatha Merkerson line of wigs?

Gwen: The House of Representatives this week passed a bill, a big bailout bill — or didn’t pass it, I should say. The Senate decided to pass it, and the House is wrestling with it still tonight. As America watches these things happen on Capitol Hill, Sen. Biden, was this the worst of Washington or the best of Washington that we saw play out?

Joe: It’s Bush’s fault. My man Barry, laid out some pretty sweet options for a rescue plan.

BPD: Joe Biden’s eyes look really scary tonight. I think he may have had a lid tuck.

Sarah: Barometer! Soccer! Fear! You BETCHA! Two years ago John McCain couldn’t reach his short little arms across the aisle so that’s why he was impotent about Fannie and Freddie. That and the lobbyist that he’s buddybuddy with.

Gwen: You both would like to be vice president. would you work to shrink this gap of polarization which has sprung up in Washington, which you both have spoken about here tonight?

Joe: We’ll I’ve been doing it my whole life. I’ve reached across the aisle. I have long arms, unlike John McCain. I can roll over in the bed at 3AM and answer the red phone, if need be, without throwing out my back. Additionally, I have enough sense not to think that Redd Fone is not a good name for a child. I also have enough sense to not say that the fundamentals of our economy a great in this climate.

Sarah: Oh, Grampa, aren’t you sweet.

“John McCain, in referring to the fundamental of our economy being strong, he was talking to and he was talking about the American workforce. And the American workforce is the greatest in this world, with the ingenuity and the work ethic that is just entrenched in our workforce. That’s a positive. That’s encouragement. And that’s what John McCain meant.”

And also, you know, the ideas of these things. Like the ideas of a productive American factory and a falling unemployment rate. Our hopes and dreams of what American isn’t. Not what it is.

[WTF Break:
BPD: Uhm, the American work force is in the crapper.
Bones: This is a new corruption but the same old corrupters.
GF: I need chocolate already.
BPD: It’s like she’s reading a TelePrompTer. She’s totally not engaging in what’s going on in the moment.]

Gwen: Let’s talk about the subprime lending meltdown. Who do you think was at fault? I start with you, Gov. Palin. Was it the greedy lenders? Was it the risky home-buyers who shouldn’t have been buying a home in the first place? And what should you be doing about it?

Sarah: Never again will we be taken advantage of.

Joe: Then maybe you shouldn’t be running with the guy who took advantage of you.

BPD: The little “Uncommitted Ohio Voters” group is hysterical. The green line goes down whenever Joe Biden starts using facts. Men!

Joe: Words. Facts. Logic. Refuting lies. Bringing up McCain’s lies and misrepresentations about health care.

Green Line: drooooooop!

Gwen: Governor, please if you want to respond to what he said about Sen. McCain’s comments about health care?

Sarah: You betcha!

“I’m still on the tax thing because I want to correct you on that again. And I want to let you know what I did as a mayor and as a governor. And I may not answer the questions that either the moderator or you want to hear, but I’m going to talk straight to the American people and let them know my track record also.”

Just forget all that the media’s filter has told you about Wasilla.

Joe: Let’s be fair to the middle class. And Barack Obama’s plan is fair.

Sarah: Giving away tax breaks to the private-sector and big businesses is Patriotic.

[WTF Break
BPD: The thing is that taxes are how we fund government.
Bones: How do you fund things like health care or education without taxes?
GF: You don’t. Hence the past 8 years.
BPD: I don’t get why the GOP keeps trying to tell us that taxes are bad. We need taxes to fund our initiatives. Like the war in Iraq and Cheney’s private bunker.]

Green line: Boobies!

Joe: She’s nutters.

Green line: Bring back the boobies.

Joe: Let me break it down for you. Under McCain’s plan, “you’re going to have to place — replace a $12,000 plan with a $5,000 check you just give to the insurance company. I call that the ‘Ultimate Bridge to Nowhere.’”

BPD: Oh, snap! He’s got jokes!

Gwen: What are you going to give up because of the bailout plan?

Joe: Exactly what Barack said last week.

Sarah: I, uh, used my life line and also uhm, the friend that I phoned says, that I’m doing darn good when I deflect. So now “I want to go back to the energy plan..”

Gwen: Last year, Congress passed a bill that would make it more difficult for debt-strapped mortgage-holders to declare bankruptcy, to get out from under that debt. This is something that John McCain supported. Would you have?

Sarah: Darn right I would. “It is a crisis. It’s a toxic mess, really, on Main Street that’s affecting Wall Street.

[WTF Break:
GF: Did she just say that it’s Main Street’s fault.?
BPD: You betcha! But to be sure let’s review the tape.
DVR: You’re darn right she just said that.
Bones: I’m so glad the TV caught that inconsistency. I hope that the rest of America did too.]

Joe: No. And neither did Barack Obama.

Sarah: I’d like to talk about Energy again.

Green and Goldenrod lines: DROOOOOP (Not even boobies can save her.)

Sarah: Energy independence is the key to America’s future.

Gwen: What is true and and what is false about the causes of climate change?

Sarah: “…There are real changes going on in our climate. And I don’t want to argue about the causes.” Climates change. So does pantyhose. A polar bear malled my mother!

Joe: It’s man made. Clearly. “If you don’t understand what the cause is, it’s virtually impossible to come up with a solution.”

BPD: Joe’s got a good set of dentures. Way better than McCain’s.

Sarah: Senator O’Biden said that drilling is raping the continental shelf and I just want you to know that if the continental shelf came made a complaint about it, I’d charge her for her rape kit.

Gwen: Do you support granting same sex benefits to same-sex couples?

Joe: Absolutely.

Sarah: Not if it re-defines the traditional definition of marriage. Otherwise I’d tolerate it. Like Todd and I tolerate the continental US and people who don’t think that a hockey puck to the head is what it takes to make you a great American. I’m not a homophobe, I’ve got a gay friend. I’m committed to making sure that she knows that I tolerate her choice because I need her vote. She knows that her choice is not my choice. She knows that her choice makes me grind my teeth at night and try to forget those sleepovers at my second college.

Gwen: Do you support gay marriage?

Joe: No.

“The bottom line though is, and I’m glad to hear the governor, I take her at her word, obviously, that she think there should be no civil rights distinction, none whatsoever, between a committed gay couple and a committed heterosexual couple. If that’s the case, we really don’t have a difference.”

Gwen: Is that what you said?

Sarah: “Your question to him was whether he supported gay marriage and my answer is the same as his and it is that I do not.”

Gwen: Wonderful. You agree.

[Damn! break:
GF: Well that just bummed me out.
Bones: Yeah me too.
BPD: But Joe wins the point because he got her to agree with him. Any kind of agreement around this issue presents a great problem for the religious right. The RR, more than just being tripped up on the semantics of calling marriage vs. anything else, doesn’t want gays to have rights. The RR wants gays to be second class citizens. It shows dissension with McCain’s policies and it sows discomfort in the conservative religious base that McCain has really been trying to build.
This is not the first time he has gotten her to agree with him which challenges McCain’s policies.
She needs to show that she’s on the same page as him and not maybe, taking a page or two from the Obama play book.]

Gwen: About foreign policy.

Sarah: Diplomacy is hard work by serious people.

BPD: Yeah, serious, like the guy who grinned and chuckled his way through the major financial meeting.

Sarah: “And Secretary Rice, having recently met with leaders on one side or the other there, also, still in these waning days of the Bush administration, trying to forge that peace, and that needs to be done, and that will be top of an agenda item, also, under a McCain-Palin administration.”

BPD: Whaaa?
GF: Hmmm
Bones: I think that she’s more confused than we are.

Gwen: So, Iraq?

Joe: ZZZZZZ.

Sarah: Nuculur. ZZZZZZZZZZ.

Joe: (says George Bushis a lot.)

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Zzz We, uhm, zoned out here. Thank goodness CNN’s got a transcript.

Joe: (refers to himself in the 3rd person.)

BPD: BPD doesn’t mind when a person refers to themselves in the 3rd person.

Sarah Palin: John McCain knows how to win a war.

BPD: Uhm, the last war that John McCain was in, we did not win. There may be some discrepancy about whether or not that means we lost. But we certainly did not win it. The last war that John McCain was in, got shot down, captured as a POW, spilled his beans and then got rescued and has lorded it over our heads for this LONG election season. John McCain is NOT the guy to point to as far a knowing how to win a war -unless he was working for the enemy.

Sarah: McCain has never asked me to check my opinions at the door. Except for the Katie Couric interview that we did together.

Gwen: What does the VP do?

Sarah: We know what a VP does. But I’m still not sure what a VP does. Also, I think the VP is the cheerleader for the President. 2, 4, 6, 8, John is old and I am great. Go! Alaska!

“I’m thankful the Constitution would allow a bit more authority given to the vice president if that vice president so chose to exert it in working with the Senate and making sure that we are supportive of the president’s policies and making sure too that our president understands what our strengths are.”

Especially when it comes to shorter skirts and more pink everything for the cheerleaders.

Joe: “I would be the point person for the legislative initiatives in the United States Congress for our administration.”

GF: I know Batman. And you, Sarah Palin, are no Batman.
BPD: You’re not even Robin. You’re Alfred.

Gwen: Is the VP in the executive branch?

Sarah: There are no trees in the oval office.

Joe: Executive branch.

“Vice President Cheney has been the most dangerous vice president we’ve had probably in American history. The idea he doesn’t realize that Article I of the Constitution defines the role of the vice president of the United States, that’s the Executive Branch. He works in the Executive Branch. He should understand that. Everyone should understand that.
And the primary role of the vice president of the United States of America is to support the president of the United States of America, give that president his or her best judgment when sought, and as vice president, to preside over the Senate, only in a time when in fact there’s a tie vote. The Constitution is explicit.
The only authority the vice president has from the legislative standpoint is the vote, only when there is a tie vote. He has no authority relative to the Congress. The idea he’s part of the Legislative Branch is a bizarre notion invented by Cheney to aggrandize the power of a unitary executive and look where it has gotten us. It has been very dangerous.”

Gwen: What’s your Achilles heel?

Sarah: Energy is so important and John McCain is the kind of maverick that can produce all of the natural gas America needs after a plate of beans.

BPD: I don’t think that she knows what Achilles heel is.

Joe: I’m undisciplined sometimes and I’m very passionate.

“Look, I understand what it’s like to be a single parent. When my wife and daughter died and my two sons were gravely injured, I understand what it’s like as a parent to wonder what it’s like if your kid’s going to make it.” (Visibly chokes up.)

Green line: Dude? (waivers while Joe sniffles.) Dude (soars upward when he pulls it together.).
Goldenrod line: He’s so sensitive! (Line goes through the roof.)

Sarah: That’s why, when the Mavericks are in charge we pledge to take away both a woman’s right to choose and also her right to drive a car unsupervised by her husband too. And also it should be about energy, tax cuts and not waving the white flag in Iraq. You betcha!

Gwen: Can you think of a single policy issue you’ve had to change a long held view on?

Joe: Yes. Because sometimes you need to change to grow and to be a better legislator.

Sarah: Nope! No growth here! As a mayor and governor of Alaska I pretty much made that our policy! We work together in Alaska. We shoo those Russian’s right away!

~~~

And that’s it.

I give the win to Joe Biden.

  1. He at least tried to make it seem like he was answering the questions.
  2. He was specific with his answers.
  3. He was honest.
  4. He seemed smart and reliable.
  5. He was passionate when he needed to be passionate but without sacrificing any of his reasonableness.
  6. He knew how to properly pronounce nuclear.

Sarah Palin on the other hand…
Okay, so GF got all upset at the end of the debate because she felt that Sarah Palin did a better job than she’d anticipated and was worried about the ramifications of that for the McCain ticket. Even though she felt that Sarah Palin failed with substance she noted that SP really worked hard to shift the discussion away from substance. When she did that, GF believed that she was really able to score some points.

I did not get upset in the this way because I felt that while it was -if indeed it was the GOP plan all along- quite shrewd that she made quite the fool of herself all week with Katie Couric, this debate didn’t prove anything other then the fact that she could recite speeches that had been prepared for her by someone else.

[Because seriously, come on. She couldn’t manage to get through an interview in which Katie Couric was lobbing softballs at her. And not even how the US Olympic team lobs softballs. I’m talking about 2nd grade baseball style here. Where it’s like 99 strikes and everybody wins just for not peeing themselves while waiting for their at bat on the bench. For reals, if SP needs to take it all of the way back to tee ball she is not ready to be VeePee.]

In short. Katie Couric proved that Sarah Palin cannot think on her feet (or not get bogged down by annoyance). The debate did nothing to rebut that. If you can’t think on your feet, you can’t be VeePee.

  1. Also, Sarah Palin refused, sometimes outright, to answer most of the questions posed to her.
  2. She was unspecific when she did answer.
  3. She was honestly treating this debate as if it were singles hour at a college bar with her constant winking and drunk sorority girl type flirting.
  4. She seemed like that pretty girl who you let copy your homework because you like to smell her hair, even as she TOTALLY tries to take credit for your work and then ignores you to talk to the cool kids.
  5. She says nuculur.**

Sarah Palin’s
Nuculur Count: 6
Ackmedinajad Count: 5
Alaska Count: 7
As Mayor Count: 2 (Mayor -without as- Count: 4)
As Governor: 5 (Governor -without as- Count: 8 )
Implied Meanness Count: 1

**I feel like sometime in the next 30 days I may have it in me to write a post about the fallacy of “S/He’s just like me!” think. I’d just like to formally put out there that I think that it’s a HUGE rend in the fabric of logic and I would like remind all of the people that subscribe to that line wavy line of thought about how the last 8 years have gone for the country.





Doubleyou tee eff.

4 10 2008

Sometimes the change we need is a roll of quarters upside some ignorant asshole’s head.**

This major What the Fuck Break has been brought to my attention by the good people over at Pam’s House Blend.

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**Gentle reader, BPD does not advocate violence as an answer to assholitry and bigots.

Sometimes though, I need to voice these thoughts so that I can go on with my day without tearing my hair out. Everyone has to deal with this shit their own way. This is mine and I stand by it.





National Lampoons: Bailout 2

1 10 2008

Thoughts from across America on the financial goings-on.

I think that the link takes you to a pretty interesting piece by the New York Times. Listening to other people talking about how they feel about what’s going on makes me feel connected in a wonderful way.

Admittedly, it sucks hairy toes that the connection is fear and anger and disbelief. So, I don’t me wonderful in the uhm, I just got a free order of nachos sense of the word.

Anyhoods, the Senate is going to vote in a few moments on its version of a bailout plan and we will see how that goes.





Putting (Fire Sale) on the Ritz.

1 10 2008

Okay, so… I guess I’m just going to come right out and say it, I’m broke.

That’s right, every body’s favourite power dyke in training does not have a pot to piss in. I’ve got maybe a shot glass at best. But now I’ve got the image of a urine filled shot glass in my mind and I’m very very uncomfortable.

Anyhoods, after a losing an epic battle with credit cards (that I lived off of when I was 20 and in NYC and subsisting on one bagel with butter, a cup of tea and a packet of ramen noodles a day [but at least I paid rent {after I moved out of hostels}! And my phone bill!]), about six months ago I put myself into a debt management program. I felt completely irresponsible about the debt situation I was in and walked around feeling shamed for the first few months. I felt guilty about the sorry state that I’d gotten myself in and I felt that, as it was my own dumb fault, I needed to get my shit together and take the steps to set shit right so that I could have the future that I wanted to have.

And the thing about that future is that it’s a future for and with my Girl and our future kid (who I will refer to a Theo -because that’s what I want to name her. Ideally I’d name her Theo Rudith… but that’s getting into my Cosby Show obsession and I think that that’s a post for another time.).
It’s nice when I think about framing it as a desire to do right for my chosen family. It’s also pretty sweet when I think about framing it as a desire not to have creditors calling my ass at all times. Like when Rachel Maddow is on. Or when I’m at work wondering what Rachel Maddow will say on that evening’s show. Or when I’m in the shower racking my brain for ways to make Tina Fey my friend. These are all inconvenient times for me.

So I’ve got no credit. I’m with a great program that has reduced my ARPs and taken over the negotiations with my creditors. I pay a set monthly amount and in five years I’ll be debt free. It will take me more than five years to repair the initial damage that I did to my credit but I am in it for the long hall.

So what, then, do I think about the current financial crisis?

I dunno.

That’s the real and true answer. I go back and forth several times daily about whether or not I’m indifferent or smug or scared.
Mostly I just feel like, Damn! I was beating myself up over less than $20K of debt (and not even the shoes to show for it) and these fuckers at these hugeHUGE institutions were turning the whole market into a charnel house and they are totally uncowed/bowed/repentant.

They’re not.
They’re pissed.
The bigbig guys at the very top of the chain are throwing their hands up in the air, shrugging and saying, “MarciaMarciaMaria, little people! I mean, I’m going to have to pass on that little island that I’ve had my eye on this year. Do you know how crappy it’s going to be to have to go to the villa again this year? Italian villas are so last quarter. I wanted my island!”

Rachel Maddow has been working out this charming metaphor about Halloween and candy and kid barf for the past week or so.


Senator Judd Gregg has likened the whole thing to a massive wreck on a highway.

I like to think of it as chickens coming home to roost. And you know what happens when chickens come home to roost: shit. And lots of it.

Indifferent BPD thinks:
Well, this is how the market works. We have bull times. We have bear times. We haven’t had a real game-shaking dip since my grandma was a white-girl knifer in the backwoods of Tennessee. The market needs these generation shaping dramatic swings to self-clean/adjust. Everything will be fine. In six months we’ll be a more manageable place and in 10 years from now the market will be much healthier. Oh well.

Smug BPD thinks:
I’ll be in a better financial state long before Wall Street will. Serves ‘em right. Haha!

Scared BPD thinks:
People have lost their homes. There is no credit available to restructuring these toxic mortgages.
If the GOP succeeds and disqualifying voters who’ve lost their homes to foreclosure what’s that going to do to votes for Barack Obama.
Our dependency on foreign oil is soon to be replaced by our dependency on foreign currency and then what’ve we got?
Do we have enough money to make sure that this doesn’t adversely affect the troops getting the materials that they need to stay safe?
Oh shit!

These conflicting BPDs leave me unable to come up with a definitive vote for or against the idea of a “bail out.”

First of all, “bail out” is the wrong thing to say to try and get the support of most Americans. Most Americans have anywhere between a thimble and a bowl to piss in and aren’t spilling any of that by trying their fortunes (heh!) on Wall Street.
You’ll be hard pressed to gain the support of your constituents, many of whom have lost their homes, are in the process of trying not to lose their homes or know someone who has or is in the process of trying not to lose their homes by packaging this as a “bail out” for Wall Street.
You’ll be hard pressed to gain support of constituents whose sons or daughters or mothers or fathers or brothers or sisters or aunts or uncles or nieces or nephews are fighting on the front lines in shoddy armor supporting a “bail out” amounting to billions of dollars for assflakes on Wall Street.
The same goes for constituents who can’t afford health insurance and have been told that universal (or hell, even just wide-range and widely accessible) health insurance is bad because of the damage that socializing industry poses on the market supporting a government welfare package for that same market.
And don’t even get me started about the people on welfare who’ve been treated as pariahs by this Administration.

So what I’m saying is I totally get why people are fucking pissed off about the idea of the average taxpayers being told that the bill is ours to foot.

It’s like when you go out to dinner with a group of friends when you’re on a budget.
The waiter comes to the table and asks, “One check for the table or separate?”
You say, “Separate checks” but other members at the table say, “No just one check, it’s okay. We’ll split it ourselves.”
And then some of those same fucking friends order expensive dish after expensive dish and like five appetizers and you have like a fucking house salad and some tap water and then some of your friends leave early and leave like, exactly the price of their entrees and omit money for the appetizers (which you didn’t eat because you couldn’t afford to pay), tax and tip.
And there you are with your fucking 40 bucks which is supposed to last you for the next three days until pay day and your 15 dollar meal (which, whatthefuck! It was a salad with wilted lettuce. I swear sometimes these New York prices are fucking unbelievable!) and you realize that these so-called friends of yours have just cost you all $40.
That kind of shit is enough to make you want to set your friends’ pants on fire.

And that’s friends.

Wall Street, is not, and has never been friends with most American taxpayers and yet here we are sitting at the fucking table looking at the money in our sweaty slowly convulsively tightening fist and knowing that those bitchnasties stiffed us again.

That makes a person want to call up the representative and, being careful not to yell at her because she still might be smarting from not winning the nomination of her party (especially when it’s obvious that her husband who, at one time, you greatly respected, can’t get over it and has better things to say about McSame than the DNC’s nominee and you kind of want to tell her to get his ass in check), tell her firmly that you are against this whole “bail out” business.

On the other hand, I’m a little nervous that without some sort of solution to increase liquidity in the market the global markets will realize that they really don’t need America at all. And that, I think, could almost be worse than what’s happening right now.

Let’s face it, the dollar is already deep in the crapper. America’s exports have fallen to their lowest in generations. Our educational system is in shambles and no one’s even stealing our technology anymore. All that we’ve got is the illusion that the world markets need the American market in order to play.

It’s like America has convinced everyone that the sandbox in the park is actually America’s very own private sandbox and the park is their very own backyard and that the other kids can only play if America is there to let them.
Right now, America is fucking grounded. Like, all summer AND a good part of Fall grounded.
For the first couple of days the rest of the kids will be totally bummed. And then one of them, (it only takes one) will swing by the sandbox and realize that it’s not America’s. It’s a fucking PARK and anyone can play at will. That kid tells the other kids and soon, it’s a free for all. Late Autumn rolls around and America’s finally free and says, “I’m back! We can play again!” and the other kids scoff and say, “Dude, it’s not your sandbox. It’s OURS now and we don’t want you to play with us. We don’t need you.”

And dudes, I know that America can totally be a bully. And know that most people don’t want to play with us anyway. But I don’t think that I’m ready for the world to know that it doesn’t NEED us.
Because then where would we be?

I guess we’re going to find out because, as you know, the bail out totally wiped out.

Dead.

It is as dead as Elvis.

And here’s where I think that it went wrong: asked for too much money. Seven hundred billion dollars is too much. Sometimes even the most trendy fashionista has to say to herself, “I cannot afford these Jimmy Choos.” (Sexy as though they may be.)

Your favourite power dyke in training OFTEN says to herself, “I just cannot afford this Slim Jim.” And I love me a Slim Jim. The point is that sometimes spending limits are necessary for the future health of our wallets.

The most recent plan was for $700B was at least $450B too much to ask for. At least.
Especially when the plan called for an initial installment of $250B. I just think that if $700B were the actual amount needed to stem the tide it wouldn’t be parsed out. The fact is that $700B is not what is needed to stem the tide; it’s the price for building a whole dam.
And what does the government’s building of the dam do for the Wall Street Execs who blew the fucker up in the first place?
Nothing.
Not a single thing. Would you give a child an exact replacement of the toy that they wantonly destroyed?
No. You would withhold the toy to teach the child a lesson. You would make the child, if he so desired, buy another toy with his own money. You wouldn’t just say, “Here Billy, here’s another fire truck for you!”

Well, not if you want a responsible respectful child.
But it seems that by offering to completely repave Wall Street instead of making it at least partially responsible for its self-inflicted pot holes the government has given up all hope (and interest) of having a responsible healthy Wall Street.

But you know what REALLY gets my goat?

That’s right, the eldest Billy Goat Gruff in the barn, John “Maverick” McCain. With the current president running around saying things like, “This sucker could go down” and freaking people out it would be really great to be able to turn somewhere comforting.

It was incredibly disappointing, more so than I anticipated, that John McCain once again showed no concern for comforting America.
His concern was for gaining points in the election.

“Senator Obama and his allies in Congress infused unnecessary partisanship into the process,” Mr. McCain said, before adding in almost the same breath: “Now is not the time to fix the blame. It’s time to fix the problem.”

That’s right, “now is not the time to fix the blame” that’s because thirty-seconds ago, when he was blaming Barack Obama, was time to “fix the blame.”

This is your candidate, GOP.

This is my candidate:

“It’s important for the American public and the markets to stay calm – because things are never smooth in Congress – and to understand that it will get done,” Mr. Obama said. “We are going to make sure that an emergency package is put together, because it is required for us to stabilize the markets.”

See you at the polls bitches.