Wedding Gifts.

30 08 2009

So this weekend while I was Whitley Gilberting around the Berkshires I managed to have myself a lovely time at a truly beautiful wedding.

Sure the outdoors, and Massachusetts, and very little connection to the outside world, and square-dancing (Yes, ya’ll, square-dancing.  And let me just say that we can now officially check that off of the list of things that white people do that black people have yet to dominate.  Cuz, I dominated.  I’m so good after square-dancing I might need to move up a notch to dodecahedron dancing – that’s right twelve-sided and three-dee’d.) and sing-alongs and rain and doing all of the above in the rain aren’t specifically my thing but what I loved was that they were the brides’ things.

I know that sometimes being a big ‘ol gay I can get caught up in how the world is totally fucked up and get my feelings hurt by the sheer number of people trying to deny me my basic human rights and trying to dismiss the 5-year committed, monogamous, investment in the greater us, that my relationship is, as something tawdry and fringe-y and fly-by-night.
It was wonderful to go to a celebration of the union of two people, who, rather than dwell on the fact that even when they go back to Kentucky they can’t get on each other’s health insurance, decided to commune with their guests and share their love and commitment with us.   It was refreshing to be surrounded by the family and friends of the brides who could think of no greater joy than being able to be present at this event and witness this union.  I was heartened by the guests that brought their children.  I was touched by the many heterosexual couples in attendance who were aware of the privilege of their government sanctioned marriages (or upcoming marriages).  I was able to take a break from being pissed off and let them be pissed off for me.

And that revealed its own very specific privilege.  I was able to think about how nice it was that the brides got exactly what they wanted.

Ketubah and Quaker marriage contract.  But of course.
Rabbinic officiant and Episcopalian minister (who happened, in the best of the Episcopalian wisdom, to be a woman).  Why not?
Cake decorating contest during dinner instead of one big extravagantly decorated cake.  Forever hold your peace.
Man of honor.  Honorable indeed.
Photobooth?  Picture perfect.

Dance Dance Revolution.

Dance Dance Revolution.

Thats Piet (pate).  Hes great.  Hes also the Man of Honor.

RHS and I really like the Man of Honor.

These brides dont blush.

These brides don't blush.

It was the perfect wedding.
And you know what?  This happened because there aren’t, as yet, prescribed notions for weddings with brides (or grooms) of the same gender (or the same un-gender).  The brides were able to tailor their wedding to their desires because there was no pressure to conform to tradition.  What a privilege that is!  What a boon!  Everyone in attendance came away with the distinct impression that they were there because their presence was specifically and personally wanted.

And more than the great food, choice music, customized aprons and memories the greatest gift that I was given was the knowledge that when RHS and finally get into the nitty-gritty of planning our wedding (coming soon, October, 2010) we never have to question if any of our choices make sense, or will make someone uncomfortable.  We never have to worry that we aren’t playing by the rules or that we will commit some wedding faux pas.  We’ve been given the gift of total and complete freedom to share our union with the family of our choosing.  And other than my commitment to her and her commitment to me, that’s one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received.




5 responses

30 08 2009
Justine Larbalestier

Thanks for this lovely post. You made me teary.

This is why marriage equality is so important.

31 08 2009

Hey. Thanks for coming out and supporting my sister and Jess! This blog response is well crafted, and truly made me happy.

I’m going to give you the square dancing nod, but if/when you two make it to Minneapolis, I’m going to hand you over to the local lesbian hockey team for an hour, to see who gets dominated. (Chris Rock joke : “… soon as they make a heated hockey rink we’ll take that shit too…”)

On a more serious note, the love and support of both Adrien and Jess’ friends and families really brought the house down on this special day.

I feel like I’m a better person for having had the time to hang out and meet Andrea and Johanna. You totally flatter me in that blog post. Now I owe you a beer.

A Steam Beer!!!!!!

31 08 2009
Baby Power Dyke


We had a great time meeting you as well! It was wonderful to be able to share in the joy of A&J’s special day. I felt the love from everyone.

Also, there is no doubt in my mind that I would be totally schooled in hockey. I’ve only been ice-skating once in my life and I count that as one of my nearest brushes with death. I am terrible on skates. But I would totally try it and take one for the team.

31 08 2009

So glad not only to have met you and yours, but to have stumbled upon this fabulous blog! You’ve totally captured the weekend. I wish you pressure-free fun in your own wedding planning… K and I have been having a blast planning ours (coming soon: July, 2010). Eschew expectations and don’t ask for too many opinions. That’s my opinion. You’ll have a ball!

7 09 2009

Aw! Thanks so much for this post, Andrea! You and H are way cool, and I am honored that someone as fun and discerning as you had such a good experience at our wedding. Can’t wait to see how you two rock out in 2010! xo

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: