The Facts of Lifestyle

20 09 2009

Yesterday on the way back from a wedding (lovely affair) to which one of the grooms’ parents declined to attend – lifestyles, lifestyles – RHS and I had the lovely pleasure of sharing our commute with the neighborhood’s homophobe.¹

He spent much of the 45 minute ride spewing graphic invectives against me and my lady and what we do in the privacy of our own home, on more than one occasion whispering at me to look at him so that I could see what a real man looked like.  And this, this is the place to which many of the negative responders to my lifestyle stoop.  And I just have to say to all of those gentleman homophobes:

Sirs, you’re not doing your argument any favors by being bloated, drunken, poorly groomed, ill-mannered, unwashed, uninformed and inarticulate.  You are not what a real man looks like.  The fact that you think so will not only not help you in “converting” lesbians, but it will also prevent you from getting a woman who isn’t a lesbian.  You’re alone right now, drunk, ashy and on the train trying to get me to beat your over the head with my navy-blue Italian leather heels.  “Real men” aren’t doing that.  Mine (what with the successful relationship and the job-holding, 401K having, renewed lease obtaining and debt-management) is not the lifestyle² you need to be all that’s not natural about.

Because honestly, the lifestyle that the Duggars are leading gives me great pause.

Do you know about the Duggars and their show 18 Kids and Counting?

The Duggars are a family in which the father and the mother have made the choice that what God really wants for them is to turn the mother into a baby-machine and to pimp those babies out on the television machine.  Since 1988 the Incubator and the Sperminator have produced 18 children (but wait, there’s more!).  That’s right, 18 children in 21 years.
The oldest boy just got married off so that he could finally have sex and promptly knocked up his very own baby-machine wife.  Like father like son.

He put her in a pumpkin shell and there he kept her very well.

He put her in a pumpkin shell and there he kept her very well.

The Duggars ascribe to the there’s nothing better or a woman than for her to be pregnant and in the kitchen because contraception is an affront to God’s will (and is just mighty inconvenient) and we’ll prostitute our offspring on TV because while “Children are the heritage of the Lord” those TLC payments and those book deal and speaking tour ducats are all for us kind of lifestyle.

And yet, they can vacation in the Caribbean Isles without being worried about being killed for sport and enjoy a subway ride without lewd and violent insults being hurled their way because somehow their whorish and parasitic lifestyle is better than mine.

You take the good, you take the bad,
you take them both and there you have
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life.

There’s a time you got to go and show
You’re growin’ now you know about
The Facts of Life, the Facts of Life.

When the world never seems
to be livin up to your dreams
And suddenly you’re finding out
the Facts of Life are all about you, you.

.

.

.

.

¹I really do mean the neighborhood homophobe.  RHS and I currently live in a predominately West Indian neighborhood.  Many of our neighbors are first or second-generation West Indian and many of them are from islands that have very lax laws about the treatment of people who are gay.  For example, our neighbors are from Trinidad where it is illegal to be gay.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Trinidad_and_Tobago  I do not want to know what they think of my lifestyle.  But having been on a more than one B41 bus with Belligerent McHomophobe (and now, the Brooklyn-bound Q from 57th Street) I know exactly how he feels.

²Seriously, this is the kind of lifestyle that gets your goat, homophobes?  You’re hating because I work at an awesome non-profit, know what kind of pants properly drape my shape and have a 401K?   Is that really it?  Because, it can’t be because I’m gay.  I didn’t choose that.  I did choose to work to pay off my debt and give to charity and vote.  Being gay is not a lifestyle.   However being filled with hate and stupidity is.

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28 responses

20 09 2009
Jen :)

Oh and the Duggars are pregnant again … she’s due to have baby # 19 sometime in the spring, I believe. Umm … gross. I could make a lot of comments about the state of her vagina right now (19 pregnancies!!) but I won’t stoop that low. I think the guy on the train won the “Stoop as Low as Possible” award anyway.

Love reading your thoughts … keep ’em coming 🙂

20 09 2009
Cecily

The Duggars practice something called “quiverful” because somewhere in the bible there is some random verse about children being a family’s many arrows or something. Dunno. I read the bible once, it was pretty dull.

As someone who used to babysit your partner when she was a wee thing, I seriously want to come to your ‘hood and kick me some ass. No, seriously.

20 09 2009
caprice

“Being gay is not a lifestyle. However being filled with hate and stupidity is.”

I might have said ignorance instead of stupidity, but yeah.

21 09 2009
caiso

actually, in Trinidad & Tobago, as in many states in the US until recently, it’s same-sex sexual behaviour, not “being gay” that’s against the law; similarly, in Trinidad as in many US states before Lawrence, the laws are not actively enforced

have u tried asking the bus drivers on the 41 route or the mta what their obligation is to create a ride free of that sort of harassment of passengers? ask what u should do next time it happens

21 09 2009
Baby Power Dyke

@ Caiso
Thanks, I’m sure that those sematics make all of the difference in the world to the people who are imprisoned for up to 25 years when the “laws” are enforced. I’m also sure that it provides great comfort to the gay people killed each year.

21 09 2009
collette

I am sorry that some incsecure dumb ass had to diplay his ignorance. However, I would never respond by kicking the dog. Remember not to judge how others live. I would not choose to have 19 kids. I would prob not put my kids on tv. I do not own any hate or judgement for anyone who does. Live and let live.
responding to some dumb drunk arrogant man..by going on the attck of another family is not the solution.

21 09 2009
Baby Power Dyke

@ Collette
If you wouldn’t kick a dog that threatened to rape you or your partner or just plain beat you up, you’re a fool.

If you didn’t judge, you wouldn’t have made such an insensitive and asinine response to this post.

22 09 2009
royanne

I think the point was not that the ass-hat on the train was not an ass-hat or that he should not be kicked. Repeatedly. In his baby-maker. But rather that the Duggars weren’t on the train verbally assaulting you or threatening rape or to beat you up, so why turn the anger on them?

Believe me, I get the anger and the outrage and I don’t knock it at all. I’m right there with you if you’re talking about castrating that bastard on the train or the one who harassed me and my MOM when we were walking down the street holding hands (grabbing his crotch and shouting that he’d show us what a real man was for, among other things as he followed us for a good block or two).
But I still hold that the way to respond to someone attacking you for your family is not to turn around and attack and mock someone else, especially if they weren’t involved in the first place.

22 09 2009
Baby Power Dyke

I believe that my post was about how I am consistently being attacked for a “lifestyle” that is hands down healthier and more productive than the lifestyle of the man on the train and the family whose lifestyle includes spreading their fringe beliefs and pimping themselves out on TV. This is about comparing and contrasting.

I feel that I am perfectly justified in being angry at the man on the train who felt entitled by his lifestyle to harrass me and mine and the Duggars who feel entitled to make money off of their lifestyle and are celebrated as wholesome and good and true. The Duggars are not an innocent party. The Duggars’ very presence on my TV is an affront to me and my family as it is a direct assertion that what they are is “Right” and what I am is “Wrong.” I am very directly offended by their choices and their message and their agenda.

Lastly, this is my blog.
I don’t have to justify my anger or my frustrations or tone down my responses to people who ask me to take a step back and not be judgemental (I am judgemental. I am judged.) and turn the other cheek when I am being attacked by the media, the government and random assholes on the train (or the street) every single day. Why turn the other cheek so that it can be slapped too?

21 09 2009
P8

Yo homies. Sounds like a rough day in the jungle. Sending some MidWest love your way.

21 09 2009
CKHB

Yup, “quiverful.” Because when God said “be fruitful and multiply” he didn’t mean “have a fruit or two and then you’re all set,” he meant “keep having fruit — I mean, kids — until your uterus craps out.”

Can you imagine how horrible it would be infertile or reproductively challenged in a quiverful community? Everyone gets the “blessing” of children except you? *Shudder*

Now, can I see some photos of those navy-blue Italian leather heels? They sound HOT.

22 09 2009
Baby Power Dyke

@ CKHB
The more I think about the people that use “be fruitful and multiply” as a bludgeoning tool to keep women controlled in a very specific way and the more I think about these followers having children that they may not be able to emotionally or financially care for under the misguided notion that it’s God’s will the more angry I become.

Angry because, this is clearly a choice and therefore clearly a lifestyle. And yet this lifestyle is being marketed around the world on television as something good and true and wonderful. And this fringe (I said it) lifestyle of producing children like livestock and reducing women to breeders is deamed by many to be more acceptable than my “lifestyle” simply because I’m gay (a choice that I did not make).

23 09 2009
CKHB

There’s a blog by an EX-quiverful woman you might find interesting… I think she’s got a decent amount of anger herself…

http://nolongerquivering.com/

24 09 2009
Baby Power Dyke

@ CKHB
I keep reading this blog. It is gut-wrenching.

21 09 2009
Baby Power Dyke

@CKHB and Cecily
The whole idea of “quiverful” makes me quake.

21 09 2009
Christie

Hey Colette,

I think you miss the point. Ms. Baby Powder is trying to say that it makes no sense for someone to judge her lifestyle, which is very definitely not hurting anyone, and is, in fact, helping some, and then uphold a lifestyle as morally superior, when it, is in fact doing harm. And no one can argue that having 18 kids isn’t harmful, in and of itself–no two people have the time to give those 18 kids the attention and care for the upbringing they deserve. And then if you make money putting them on TV you exponentially increase the harm.

I am constantly besieged by conservative christians, who consider my leftstyle–uh, I mean lifestyle–harmful. Mostly because I have not accepted Christ as the one true god and then procreated followers of Christ copiously.

Being a fairly spiritually-minded individual, and being named after the Dude whose name gets thrown around to make other people feel bad about themselves, I think I can safely say that if there was an avatar named Christ, this kind of stuff is not what he meant for people to do with his name. And as a human being it is my right to wager a trip to hell and not believe in any of it if I don’t want to. I don’t try to get Christians to not believe. Gays don’t try to turn straight people gay. I don’t try to make people not have 18 children. But I can observe how I think it is harmful. And I will. But there is literally no logical legitimate argument to say what someone does in their bedroom is harmful to anyone. Unless, of course they are making weapons of mass destruction.

C

21 09 2009
Baby Power Dyke

@ Christie
That was a much more level-headed response than mine was. Well played!

21 09 2009
R. W. H.

Hi Baby Power Dyke,

Found your blog through reading this one: http://justinelarbalestier.com/blog/2009/08/07/my-new-favourite-blog/ and I think it’s awesome.

My girlfriend and I also live in a largely West Indian Neighborhood in Brooklyn and from time to time, we’ll get similar comments… like the lovely “You need a MAN between you” while walking together the other day. Occasionally we go back-and-forth about whether or not it’s safe to hold hands while walking together, but I say, fuck ’em, we have to live our lives.

21 09 2009
Baby Power Dyke

@ RWH

Do we live in the same neighborhood?

🙂

22 09 2009
Twitter Trackbacks for The Facts of Lifestyle « Journal of a Power Dyke in Training [babypowerdyke.wordpress.com] on Topsy.com

[…] The Facts of Lifestyle « Journal of a Power Dyke in Training babypowerdyke.wordpress.com/2009/09/20/the-facts-of-lifestyle – view page – cached Yesterday on the way back from a wedding (lovely affair) to which one of the grooms’ parents declined to attend – lifestyles, lifestyles – RHS and I had the lovely pleasure of sharing our commute with the neighborhood’s — From the page […]

22 09 2009
jimmynorth

18 children! Oh my God! I really do not understand that. no, of course children are our future and flowers of our life but nevertheless…

22 09 2009
R. W. H.

Crown Heights?

22 09 2009
Baby Power Dyke

Prospect Lefferts/Flatbush.

22 09 2009
Just the Facts « Journal of a Power Dyke in Training

[…] Just the Facts 22 09 2009 I’ve had a couple of interesting responses to The Facts of Lifestyle. […]

23 09 2009
royanne

…’cause then when does the slapping stop? You turn around and bring the Duggars into your fight and then they’re justified in turning around and lashing out at you, or the next homo down the road. Who are then justified in attacking Jon and Kate Plus A Cash Cow who are then justified in…

Don’t turn the other cheek. I don’t think I ever suggested that you do that. I just said slap back the correct asshole – the one who started the fight. Not the idiots breeding a football team.

24 09 2009
Baby Power Dyke

@Royanne
“…Jon and Kate Plus A Cash Cow

Good one. You sound like me!

1 10 2009
JimmyBean

I don’t know If I said it already but …This blog rocks! I gotta say, that I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks, 🙂

A definite great read..Jim Bean

5 03 2010
Discoking

Great Blog!……There’s always something here to make me laugh…Keep doing what ya do 🙂

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