No graduation day for you.

11 08 2009

Dear Beauty School Dropout Sarah Palin,

I thought long and hard about the best way, if any, to reply to your fear-mongering about health care reform.

It finally occurred to me that I couldn’t use too many words, since it’s painfully obvious that you can’t read.  After all, if you could read, you wouldn’t have gotten so confused about what Congressman Earl Blumenauer meant.  ‘Course, perhaps it’s more than you not being able to read… perhaps you’re just unable to understand.

To aid your stunted comprehension, I’ve decided to include some pictures to help clarify some things.

Death Panel

Thats one mighty deadly panel of steel.

That's one mighty deadly panel of steel.

Not Death Panel

The bowtie is dead sexy, but not deadly.

The bow tie is dead sexy, but not deadly.

Death Panel

You know its true.

You know it's true.

Not death panel

Not it.

Not it.

Not it.

Not it.

Socialist country

Flag of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam

Flag of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam ("socialist" is even in the official name)

Not a Socialist Country

One of those 50 stars is for Hawaii.  Suck it, birthers.

One of those 50 stars is for Hawaii. Suck it, birthers.

And lastly, because this seems to be a really hard concept to grasp for many of your ilk.

Hitler

Short, pasty and poorly moustachioed... That spells Hitler!

Short, pasty and poorly moustachioed... That spells Hitler!

Not Hitler.

Tall, clean-shaven, cool drink of water.  Obama, dont hurt em!

Tall, clean-shaven, cool drink of water. Obama, don't hurt 'em!

In closing…

Sarah, don’t sweat it (Don’t sweat it).
You’re not cut out to hold a job.
Better forget it (Forget it),
No one wants their country run by a slob.

Sincerely,

BPD

P.S.
If the pictures sparked your interest in truth go here to get some more info.





Bye bye Miss Moronic Pie.

26 07 2009

I didn’t know that there was a better way to end a Sunday evening than a Tina Fey (and Amy Poehler) break.  Apparently there is.

I’m going to exercise my freedom of speech and call it a Governor Sarah Palin permanent vacation break.

Rejoice!





Fight the Smears

30 10 2008
These smears generally speak more about the McCain/Palin camp than they do about the Obama camp.
Either way, the smears aren’t good for America.

Fight them.

[clearspring_widget title=”Fight the Smears” wid=”48f1466f1f664a1c” pid=”490a65069a754a76″ width=”180″ height=”640″ domain=”widgets.clearspring.com”]





Steal back your country. Steal back your vote.

25 10 2008

The fantastic Dr. Rachel Maddow hipped me (Okay, so I know that her show is broadcast nationally and she’s got millions of viewers but I like to think that she’s just talking to me. Because she is.) to easy clear ways to protect my vote.

I suggest that everyone go to the Steal Back Your Vote website and read Block the Vote at Rolling Stone.com.





Are you pfucking serious?

21 10 2008

When I was in the sixth grade I pointed out that there needn’t just be a religious reason to abstain from saying the Pledge of Allegiance.

I told my teacher that as the Pledge was written in 1892, in America, there was no reason to assume that those who said it thought that it applied to people who looked like me seeing as how people who looked like me had only recently been freed from physical chains. I pointed out that in 1892 the country was still rebuilding itself and that one of the funnest ways, it seemed, for the country to rebuild itself was to create laws specifically designed to keep the newly freed people from having dignity, self-respect or a voice. I pointed out that, “one Nation under God” is some pretty tough shit to swallow for people who had had their gods, their language and culture and their families forcibly ripped from them and that “freedom and justice for all” seemed to mean “freedom and justice for all of us, not ya’ll.”

I was, even as a child, cautious about sheepyness of America that wraps itself up in the cloak of “patriotism.” I considered this my greatest American right. I considered myself quite the good American.

When I was in the 9th grade we read Democracy in America and Thomas Paine. We were asked to think about what the duty of political efficacy meant to us. We were taught that many of those who made America great were dissenters and that we should know that America is ours for the making as long as we were willing to raise our voices.

After high school I left my small town with white picket fences and American flags on every other door to come to New York City. Here I see flags of all different kinds and, in Brooklyn, unexpected but wonderfully welcome, picket fences. I see Fourth of July barbecues. I rejoice with co-workers about husbands becoming citizens. I look around my neighborhood and I see the excitement of first time voters. In New York City you can expect a protest if we don’t like you and a parade if we do. You can also expect that these events will happen simultaneously. I live in, what I thought, was the best part of America that she has to offer. I live where all of the jigsaw pieces meet flush and strangely bed-fellowed to make the beautiful picture of our country.

I guess I was wrong. It appears that, not only am I not a real American, I also don’t live in “Real America.”

Vodpod videos no longer available.

What I love is that you can see how pissed off, but mostly, I think, hurt John Stewart is. And I understand.

I was here, in New York City, downtown the Financial District watching pieces of smoking flaming paper drift down outside the windows of my office on September 11th while “Real America” was waking up from its slumber.
I was walking ankle deep in dust along the length of the island, passing closed McDonald’s and Starbucks and Gaps and bodega after bodega, trying to find a pay phone because all of the cell lines were down only to realize that I didn’t have any change.
I remember having to negotiate with an armed National Guardsman to get below 14th Street to my friend’s apartment because I didn’t have New York ID and they couldn’t verify that I was who I said I was while “Real America” was watching news coverage over dinner.
I went back to work. I did not spend. I went back to work. Every single day, until I was fired, in the Financial District where business men wore masks and fear to work. I got up, got dressed and got on the train and emerged every single day to dust and smoke and more armed Guardsmen and the smell while “Real America” was just trying to get on with its life in its nice small town.
And even when I forced to leave the City for a small time because I lost my job and there WERE no jobs in the City because the whole world had melted down I came back as soon as I could.
I watched kids enroll in the military “to fight.” I saw them come home in caskets on the news.
There’s still a big gaping hole in my fucking city where the citizens of “Real America” like to go and snap pictures.

So yeah.
What is it that doesn’t make me part of “Real America” again?

Vodpod videos no longer available.

That’s right. I forgot.

Anyhoodle, thank god for John Stewart for saying it best:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

And that’s why I’m voting for him to be President of the United States of Fake America on November eleventyith.





Starting the week off right.

19 10 2008

There is nothing quite like a nice Tina Fey break to send you to bed before beginning a new work week.

I swear, sometimes I feel like Tina Fey has done so much for America she should be relegated to National Treasure status. Like, instead of Mount Rushmore it could be Mount Feymore. Or just a huge pair of freakishly awesome glasses.

Anyhoods, even though it can’t be embedded, here’s a Tina Fey Break for you (but mostly for me).

Not that Amy Poehler is anything to scoff at.

[clearspring_widget title=”Saturday Night Live – Update: Palin Rap” wid=”4727a250e66f9723″ pid=”48fbf797e65afc5e” width=”384″ height=”283″ domain=”widgets.nbc.com”]





It’s been broughten.

16 10 2008

In honor of this grand finale (is it just me or does the way that Debra Messing keeps her mouth open, teeth bared during the promos for Starter Wife really creepy you out? She looks like a rapid woodpecker.) we’ve got ourselves a nice little drinking game.

We will take one drink for the following buzz words. (Get it? Buzz words?)

McCain:

My Friends
Reagan
Ayers
Acorn
Insinuations that Barack Obama is naive
Maverick
Across the Aisle

Obama:

Fannie & Freddie
“Let’s be clear”
Michelle
Bush
Insinuations that John McCain is John McSame
Insinuations that John McCain is lying

Players:
John McCain

Barack “Yes We Can” Obama

Bob Schieffer
Panel of uncommitted voters in Ohio.
Green (Men)
Goldenrod (Women)
Girlfriend (GF)
BPD
Peaco
Blue Point Brewing Company Toasted Lager
Advil Cold & Sinus

It’s just GF and me again tonight, but since GF is leaving around 9:45, I’ve decided to recruit my favourite stuffed animal, Peaco to join me on the couch.

9 o’clock showtime!

Fucking Wolf! Every time I’m ready to go he’s here killing time.

Bob Schieffer: Hi. Look at me, I’m like Arthur at Camelot. Look at my round table!

BPD & GF: Hi Bob!
BPD: I wonder if I’ll be able to fit in any “What About Bob?” jokes.
Peaco: (Silence)

John McCain: The polls say that I should look at you. So, here I go.

Barack Obama: The polls say that you should look at me, but damn! Try and turn the crazy down a notch.

Schieffer: Senator McCain, you proposed a $52 billion plan that includes new tax cuts on capital gains, tax breaks for seniors, write-offs for stock losses, among other things.
Senator Obama, you proposed $60 billion in tax cuts for middle- income and lower-income people, more tax breaks to create jobs, new spending for public works projects to create jobs.
I will ask both of you: Why is your plan better than his?
Senator McCain, you go first.

McCain: Let me start off by saying that today Barack Obama tried to kill Nancy Reagan.

“Americans are hurting right now, and they’re angry. They’re hurting, and they’re angry. They’re innocent victims of greed and excess on Wall Street and as well as Washington, D.C. And they’re angry, and they have every reason to be angry.”

They’re angry about Nancy and they’re angry about Fannie and Freddie and both of those things are Barack Obama’s fault.

Obama: America, if you still don’t know why my plan is better than his then I just don’t know about you… but since I’m a polite guy I’ll repeat it again.

Number one, let’s focus on jobs. I want to end the tax breaks for companies that are shipping jobs overseas and provide a tax credit for every company that’s creating a job right here in America.
Number two, let’s help families right away by providing them a tax cut — a middle-class tax cut for people making less than $200,000, and let’s allow them to access their IRA accounts without penalty if they’re experiencing a crisis.
Now Senator McCain and I agree with your idea that we’ve got to help homeowners. That’s why we included in the financial package a proposal to get homeowners in a position where they can re-negotiate their mortgages.
Last point I want to make, though. We’ve got some long-term challenges in this economy that have to be dealt with. We’ve got to fix our energy policy that’s giving our wealth away. We’ve got to fix our health care system and we’ve got to invest in our education system for every young person to be able to learn.

McCain: (Blinkblink) “I would like to mention that a couple days ago Senator Obama was out in Ohio and he had an encounter with a guy who’s a plumber, his name is Joe Wurzelbacher.” Joe the Plumber in Ohio looked at Obama and said, “The black man is trying to steal my American dream!”

Obama: Le sigh. Do I have to repeat the 95% tax cut thing again? I’m about enabling Americans to make good choices and not be burdened by taxes.

McCain: Ireland is better than America!

Peaco: (Silence)
BPD: I wonder, Barack Obama spent at much time talking about how Ireland is SO much better than America, would he be accused of being un-patriotic?
GF: Who’s not wearing a flag pin today, McCain?

Schieffer: What will you cut back?

Obama: This is not a question that I can answer at this time. As I’ve been saying in all of the other debates. But I will cut something.

McCain: (Blinkblink) I’d like to talk about home ownership and The Depression. Because… I remember it and that was before Zoloft was even invented.

“OK, what — what would I cut? I would have, first of all, across-the-board spending freeze, OK? Some people say that’s a hatchet. That’s a hatchet, and then I would get out a scalpel, OK?”

You know, like how heart doctors cut your neck and arms off before taking out the scalpel to operate on your heart that had been ravaged by the heart attack brought on by pork barrels.

Obama: Who do you want for your President America, a butcher or a surgeon?

“When President Bush came into office, we had a budget surplus and the national debt was a little over $5 trillion. It has doubled over the last eight years.
And we are now looking at a deficit of well over half a trillion dollars.
So one of the things that I think we have to recognize is pursuing the same kinds of policies that we pursued over the last eight years is not going to bring down the deficit. And, frankly, Senator McCain voted for four out of five of President Bush’s budgets.”

McCain: “Senator Obama, I am not President Bush. If you wanted to run against President Bush, you should have run four years ago.”

GF: Oh! The old man’s got jokes!
BPD
: Yeah, JM gets really touchy when Barack talks about his boyfriend.

Peaco
: (Silence)

Obama: I’ve got this.

“…The fact of the matter is that if I occasionally have mistaken your policies for George Bush’s policies, it’s because on the core economic issues that matter to the American people, on tax policy, on energy policy, on spending priorities, you have been a vigorous supporter of President Bush.”

Freddie Mercury:
Are you ready, are you ready for this
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat
Out of the doorway the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat

Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust

Schieffer: All right. We’re going to move to another question and the topic is leadership in this campaign. Both of you pledged to take the high road in this campaign yet it has turned very nasty.

McCain: (Blinkblink) The tone of the campaign has been tough. And it’s Obama’s fault because he’s black. We will run a truthful campaign. The truth is that I don’t mind stirring up racial tensions with “coded” messages but I take great offense and someone decoding the messages and getting upset about it. Like Congressman John Lewis. John Lewis hurt my feelings because he spoke to the discomfort and disgust that most Americans are feeling about the tone of my attacks and the hateful things that are being yelled at my rallies. And he was wrong. He played the race card by implying that that site of a mob of angry white people shouting, “Kill him” about a black man is scary and reminiscent of a time not so far removed from today. He’s a dirty lier and Obama’s a dirty lier and that’s not negative; it’s just true.

Green line: Did the decoder ring come in the cereal box?
Goldenrod line: God, you’re so stupid!

Obama: (working very hard not to reach across the aisle and beat the shit out of John McCain.)

“Well, look, you know, I think that we expect presidential campaigns to be tough. I think that, if you look at the record and the impressions of the American people — Bob, your network just did a poll, showing that two-thirds of the American people think that Sen. McCain is running a negative campaign versus one-third of mine.
And 100 percent, John, of your ads — 100 percent of them have been negative.
It absolutely is true. And, now, I think the American people are less interested in our hurt feelings during the course of the campaign than addressing the issues that matter to them so deeply.”

McCain: (Blinkblink) But I’m the victim. Your ads point out my flaws in logic and offer opposing viewpoints! Just like Bush says: Opposing views are attacks. They are attacks on my character. Dissenters (Blinkblink) are terrorists.

Obama: I am not John Lewis’ keeper. He’s perfectly within his bounds to say whatever he wants to as an American.

McCain: “Let me just say categorically I’m proud of the people that come to our rallies.” I am proud of the racists that come to our rallies. I’m proud of their support that incites hate and violence. It is their American right to be racist and spew invectives.
It is not your right, Obama, to take issue with that. (Blinkblink) I remember when people like you knew their place.

Obama: There is a culture in Washington that demonizes people rather than talk about the issues.

McCain: Ayers!

Freddie Mercury:
I want to ride my bicycle.
I want to ride my bike.
I want to ride my bicycle.
I want to ride it where I like.

Obama: Bring it! Ayers has nothing to do with me, but it’s become the centerpiece of John’s campaign. Acorn has nothing to do with me.

“Let me tell you who I associate with. On economic policy, I associate with Warren Buffett and former Fed Chairman Paul Volcker. If I’m interested in figuring out my foreign policy, I associate myself with my running mate, Joe Biden or with Dick Lugar, the Republican ranking member on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, or General Jim Jones, the former supreme allied commander of NATO.”

The fact that Ayers has become the focus of McCain’s campaign is more to do with him than it does with me.

Schieffer: So I’ll begin by asking both of you this question, and I’ll ask you to answer first, Sen. Obama. Why would the country be better off if your running mate became president rather than his running mate?

Obama: Sarah Palin got housed Joe Biden style! Big ups Scranton!

McCain: (Blinkblink) Well gosh darn it, when I think of special needs, I think of Sarah Palin. “…She’s a role model to women and other — and reformers all over America. … I’m proud of her.”

Peaco: Uhm, I know that I’m not a woman, or even human, but the fact that he would say that the unethical, inarticulate, close-minded, empty-vessel, Puritan Barbie, Sarah Palin is a good role model for anything is pretty insulting.
BPD: Thank you Peaco!
GF: Wait, I thought that he didn’t talk.
BPD: Isn’t more impressive that when he does talk it’s something important.
Peaco: If only they could teach Sarah Palin that.

Schieffer: Climate change, yes — has said what both of you have said, and, that is, we must reduce our dependence on foreign oil.
When Nixon said it, we imported from 17 to 34 percent of our foreign oil. Now, we’re importing more than 60 percent.
Would each of you give us a number, a specific number of how much you believe we can reduce our foreign oil imports during your first term?
And I believe the first question goes to you, Senator McCain.

McCain: Drill baby drill!

Freddie Mercury:
I want to break free
I want to break free
I want to break free from your lies
You’re so self-satisfied I don’t need you
I’ve got to break free
God knows,
God knows, I want to break free

Schieffer: All right, let’s go to a new topic, health care. Given the current economic situation, would either of you now favor controlling health care costs over expanding health care coverage? The question is first to Senator Obama.

Obama: “We’ve got to do both, and that’s exactly what my plan does.” I swear, it’s like you’re not listening.

McCain: It’s not that I’m not listening, it’s that I can’t hear on this side of my face. Because I’m old. And deaf. And I can’t hear logic.

“Now, my old buddy, Joe, Joe the plumber, is out there. Now, Joe, Sen. Obama’s plan, if you’re a small business and you are able — and your — the guy that sells to you will not have his capital gains tax increase, which Sen. Obama wants, if you’re out there, my friend, and you’ve got employees, and you’ve got kids, if you don’t get — adopt the health care plan that Sen. Obama mandates, he’s going to fine you.
Now, Sen. Obama, I’d like — still like to know what that fine is going to be, and I don’t think that Joe right now wants to pay a fine when he is seeing such difficult times in America’s economy.”

Obama: Zero fine.

McCain: (Blinkblink) Zero.

Obama: Did I stutter?

“Zero, because as I said in our last debate and I’ll repeat, John, I exempt small businesses from the requirement for large businesses that can afford to provide health care to their employees, but are not doing it.”

McCain: (Blinkblink) I need to change my Depends.

Green line: Wait, who’s Joe?
Goldenrod line: It’s like you’re getting dumber by the minute.

Peaco: He’s the ugliest doll of them all.

McCain: The government is too big and too bad. That’s why I’m running to be head of the government.

Schieffer: All right. Let’s stop there and go to another question. And this one goes to Senator McCain. Senator McCain, you believe Roe v. Wade should be overturned. Senator Obama, you believe it shouldn’t.
Could either of you ever nominate someone to the Supreme Court who disagrees with you on this issue? Senator McCain?

McCain: (Blinkblink) I would never impose a litmus test even though as a boy I used to have to walk 10 miles up hill in the snow to my litmus. I want a strict adherence to the Constitution and I believe that the Constitution thinks that Roe v. Wade was a bad decision. That’s my litmus test. (Blinkblink)

Obama: America, this is a man who hasn’t seen his litmus in 26 years.

“I think that it’s true that we shouldn’t apply a strict litmus test. I think that the Constitution has a right to privacy in it that shouldn’t be subject to state referendum.”

McCain: We have to change the culture of America. And that’s what the pro-lifers who bombs abortion clinics or shame clients are trying to do.

Obama: Abortion divides us. But surely there must be some common ground. That common ground is education and adoption and helping single mothers.

“…Nobody’s pro-abortion. I think it’s always a tragic situation. We should try to reduce these circumstances.”

Green & Goldenrod lines: Fo’ Real!

McCain: “Just again, the example of the eloquence of Senator Obama. He’s health for the mother. You know, that’s been stretched by the pro-abortion movement in America to mean almost anything.
That’s the extreme pro-abortion position, quote, “health.”
I don’t care about the health to the mother. I don’t care about the mother. She wouldn’t be in this mess if she were barefoot and in the kitchen like she’s supposed to be. She’s not the issue. She’s doesn’t get a say. The fetus does. THE FETUS! (Blinkblink)

Freddie Mercury: What the fuck! Is he fucking, serious man? Finger quotes?!?!

I mean:
Is this the real life or is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide. No escape from reality.

Schieffer: Let’s stop there, because I want to get in a question on education and I’m afraid this is going to have to be our last question, gentlemen.
The question is this: the U.S. spends more per capita than any other country on education. Yet, by every international measurement, in math and science competence, from kindergarten through the 12th grade, we trail most of the countries of the world.
The implications of this are clearly obvious. Some even say it poses a threat to our national security.
Do you feel that way and what do you intend to do about it?
The question to Senator Obama first.

Obama: We need to work on early education. We need to make college affordable.

McCain: (Blinkblink) I don’t really care that much about the kids that No Child Left Behind left behind.

Schieffer: Gentlemen, we have come to the close. … Now, for the final statements, by a coin toss, Senator McCain goes first.

McCain: America needs a new direction but not that new a direction that will have you forget the “long line of McCains that have served our country for a long time in war and in peace…” (Blinkblink) I have a history, 26 years in Congress of upholding that not so new direction. My campaign has a long history of setting us back 40 years. I’m the kind of change that gets put into a sock and whapped upside someone’s head.
I’d be honored to serve you this way.

Obama: I give you the same kind of tingly feeling that JFK did. Go with that. (But don’t shoot me.)

And scene.

So… Obama won. Clearly.

That’s 3 for 3. We are the champions my friends!

McCain is a horrible little man who only hates women and Obama more than he hates himself. Sneering, jeering and incoherent the sad thing is that this debate was his best showing. He actually was scoring some points at the beginning but did not have the stamina to keep it up. (Frankly, if he doesn’t have the stamina for a 90 minute debate I doubt that he’ll have the stamina for four years in office.) I’m hoping that even with the Bradley Effect November 5th will be a mighty day of reckoning for Mr. McCain.

Barack Obama is so freaking awesome he’s actually worthy of Michelle Obama.
He was, as he always is, cool, collected and articulate. At this point, all that Team Obama really needs to do is just run out the clock; score a few points here and there, but don’t do anything risky that would cost you the ball.

Nineteen days left. I am, scared, excited, anxious, jubilant. I feel ten different things at any given moment about the next three weeks.

This has been a really hard race. I was very hurt (by Hillary Clinton and her supporters) during the primary season and the McCain/Palin Campaign has just really tried to kick the shit out of my hope and and good feelings for America.

But, even though I have been battered, I refuse to give up hope. I refuse to give up ground. And I refuse to mourn until all of the votes have been counted.

Gobama or go the fuck home.